2007 finished

Now I'm back in Austin.

The usual Christmas Eve/Christmas/birthday celebration has passed. This year was similar to all the others except my dad cooked a new dish as part of his annual Christmas Eve "Seven Kinds of Fish Italian Dinner". Red peppers stuffed with rice and sardines and bits of their bones and some other stuff. Another first...this year my sister woke up Christmas morning throwing up all over the place. We all sat downstairs opening presents while she repeatedly swallowed to keep it down. (Food poisoning likely, but not from my dad's food.) My parents' divorce changed the holidays only slightly. My dad was still around on Christmas morning. My mom's boyfriend came over for Christmas dinner and my dad ate with some friends. My sister stayed upstairs in bed.

Now I'm 22. But I don't really feel like I have an age anyway. Physically I'm sure I look different than I did when I was 8, 14, 17, whatever; mentally I feel like the way I think and process things is mostly the same. Since I got to college I matured in a particular way, just by dealing with and experiencing different things. My maturation is also manifesting itself in the form of white and gray hairs. I am becoming increasingly worried about the silvery veins poking out every time I part my hair. For my birthday dinner I chose to eat at Nit Noi, a Thai restaurant my family's been going to before we even moved to Houston. We eat there for birthdays almost every year. We drove to Rice Village and right where Nit Noi was, there was a giant blank piece of land. We thought maybe we were in the wrong place, but they totally tore down the whole building the restaurant was in. I couldn't believe it. Luckily Thai Spice was close so we decided to be adventurous and try something new. Thai Spice was excellent also. Later that night I went out with friends to a couple of bars and then to dance.

A few days ago I moved back to Austin. I'm now living in a house north of campus. It's so huge. I've never lived anywhere with so much space to myself. I chose to live in the attic so I have very oddly shaped bedroom that overlooks both the front and backyard. There are six windows. I'm so excited to get all my stuff in here and make it look like more than a wooden room. It's hard for me to integrate into the rest of the house though. When I'm at home I usually just hang around upstairs since my room is so big and since there's another even bigger attic room across the stairway. I'm a little anxious about living with other people just since I've never really done it.

Tonight is New Year's. After so many nights of partying I want to see if I have anything left in me. I'm feeling really lazy and run down during the day. I'm not really getting much done. I've been worried about certain stuff and it's distracting me a lot. My room being in disarray is causing me to allow the rest of my life to get more out of control. My state of mind has been weird since I got back from Spain.

I don't have any resolutions for 2008. I'm just hoping for an exciting and somewhat successful year. I don't really know what to expect since a lot will depend on my summer plans. To think that this year I will probably get my first job...is crazy. However, after the past year of moving around and traveling and being pushed into new experiences at any time, I feel more prepared. I guess, if anything, I want to keep the generally optimistic and satisfied feeling I had for most of 2007. I think this past year was one of my better ones. A lot of really good things happened and even some bads, but the bad things I learned from. I felt like I found my place this year, at UT and in Spain. I met so many new people in 2007. I feel like I grew up a little more this year. I'm still waiting to see exactly how/if I was changed by my time in Spain.

Right now I just don't know about many things. I'm not sure that I want to.

It's Saturday night in Houston and I'm home before 2AM.

Juno.

I just saw that movie and I approve. It was a happy story without being lame and there was a type of humor that I could appreciate. Ellen Page was believable. I never once thought about her as Ellen Page, rather as Juno. It seems weird she'd be a different character in another movie. The beginning reminded me of Napoleon Dynamite for a few minutes. I didn't like that and got worried. I don't usually like Jennifer Garner (maybe it's the dimples) and her character in this movie was irritating, but she also did a good job with the part. I think the characters are what made this movie worth seeing. Usually movies about pregnancy are completely unappealing to me. I never saw "Knocked Up"--a movie about accidental pregnancy doesn't seem to fit into the comedy genre, at least not to me. But this one was okay.

I painted my nails red. Finally. I don't know how or why I was in Spain for four months without any red polish. Red's always been my favorite. I remember my grandma asking me what color she should paint my nails when I was about seven and I asked for bright red. She told me it was "too much" for me. I guess she wanted me to pick pink or something. Her's were always red or clear. And really long. I was jealous.

Time to sleep, I think. Ever since getting back my sleep schedule has annoyingly normalized. I get tired around 1AM and can't sleep past 9:30AM. I hate it. I don't know if I should fight it or hold onto it for the upcoming semester.

And my room is SO MESSY. I feel like I can't function. It's like my suitcases blew up in my room and then I gave up and threw everything around some more. It's unmanageable clutter to the point I can't figure out how to fix it. I decided I would just move a bunch of stuff to Austin in a week and try to clean when I come back for another load. Right now there is just too much to know. I'm going to live like a disorganized person for a week. I'm guessing it'll either drive me totally crazy or make me a better person. Maybe both.

Back in Houston

Everything is familiarly different. I can't stop comparing it to Spain. I'm even starting to annoy my own self. I wonder how long this is going to continue before I force myself to stop. Right off the plane I was greeted by the muggy weather. Later that day I went to pick up my car from the mechanic. In the dirt and pine needles I noticed bottle caps of American beers. I notice the people here look so different; they dress so different. Driving feels like a video game. I know I should be scared but it's fun to go so fast. I hadn't really been in a car for four months.

Houston is boring me. I want to go out and walk around but there doesn't seem to be anywhere to go. Everything requires too much driving and money. I've resorted to sitting around on the computer half dressed. Taking too many showers because there's nothing better to do. Today I watched a melodramatic telenovela to see if I could understand anything. Actually, I can, and it's even trashier than I imagined. I'm going to try to get hooked on one to cling to my Spanish listening skills.

I want to go to the theater and watch movies in English.

I'm wondering what I should do with this blog. If I should re-title it or start a different, more permanent blog. I have no desire to return to the LiveJournal world.

In news related to my life in Texas, I found out that I was accepted for an internship at KXAN in Austin this spring. It will be my last internship in Austin and my last chance to gather material for my resume tape. Definitely no blogging this time. As my dad says, "Cut the blogging, start the reporting." Haha, good advice probably. I also found out I got to the second round for the internship program I am applying for in the New York City this summer. I came really close to getting it last summer, but got cut after phone interviews. Hopefully this year I have better luck. Though it'll mean quitting my Spanish major and probably having to live in Houston with my mom for a little bit while I look for a job this fall. Whatever...it's all too much in the future. I need to do what I want to do right now.

Final Daze

My last week was characterized by trying to study for finals, trying to shop for Christmas and trying to absorb as much as I could before I had to leave.

School is different in Spain because until finals, there isn't any sort of evaluation of your progress. Your final exam is essentially your grade for the class. The professors don't explain much. Luckily, they seem to cut foreign students a bit of a break. Notes were sometimes allowed to be used, they were lax about how well you write and it is rumored that they actually don't fail anyone. After taking six essay tests I was pretty worn out and tired of writing in Spanish. My best accomplishment of the semester was getting a 9/10 on a paper for my hardest class. It was the paper I wrote about in this blog, about the "Bella Durmiente" on the airplane. My teacher told me I did so well and I actually felt proud because I worked really hard.

At the end of the week Andrew came to Barcelona. The first night he was overtaken by sickness and some readjustment, but by the second night things had improved. We walked forever. In the cold. Through the Gothic Quarter, to the beach, along a big road. For some reason everything seemed mistimed that night. By the time we wanted to go to some bars, they were all closed. Then there were only clubs, but my level of inebriation was insufficient. The cold got colder. I think it was the coldest European night I'd experienced and it took almost until the next morning for my ten frozen fingers to thaw.

Saturday was when I introduced Andrew to Carrefour, my favorite supermarket ever. In a way, it's nothing too special, they have them all over Europe, but I think it's fabulous. We walked along Passieg de Gracia past Gaudi's famous buildings and then finally up Diagonal to his masterpiece Sagrada Familia. For some reason I didn't feel like I appreciated it as much as I should have. On the walk home we saw a drunk man with a bottle of booze rummaging through trash cans on Passieg de Gracia. I can appreciate that--he looked like he was having a good time.

Later that night I met Megumi's parents and her best friend who were also in town visiting. We had tapas with them. Megumi's parents were really nice people...with lovable eccentricities. It was interesting to meet the people I'd heard so much about all semester. Then we went to L'Ovella Negra for sangria...minus parents. Finally Andrew and I headed to Razzmatazz for what I hoped would be a noche loca. Razzmatazz was mostly what it was cracked up to be. I'd been there once before, but only for the Air concert. This time it was crowds of dancers and loud music. Five rooms of it. I tried to find my friends there but it was impossible. It's probably one of the more hazy nights of my time in Barcelona, but I'm absolutely sure I had fun. I remember sitting on the balcony looking over one of the bigger rooms with so many lights and smoke and people. Then I had to become a part of it. I didn't feel particularly tired when we left that morning but I think I started to lose the battle on the way home in the Metro. I don't actually remember exactly how and when I fell asleep that night.

Sunday was lazy obviously. I had to say goodbye to Megumi that night. It was sad but I didn't cry. Monday we went to Parc Güell. I'd been there before right after I got to Barcelona, but somehow had missed a lot of it. The time I entered in the correct place and saw all the sights. We walked up to one of the highest points to get a view of the city and encountered a half knocked down graffitied wall. There was a ledge where we sat and ate my very last bocadillo de Ana. The moment was especially tasty. One of my fondest memories of the semester. Then a stupid growling child came up out of the brush. What a little beast. :) We walked around until it got cold and dark that night. I bought a chocolate bar at Carrefour. I was totally out of money. Luckily that night was API's goodbye dinner. I was treated to small portions of delicious food with my friends. We took pictures, talked, recounted memories and tried to be warm. We all went to L'Ovella Negra together afterwards. I ran through the rain trying to meet phoneless Andrew and my red boots stained my feet to look like they were diseased. I discovered the red blotches later that night.

Tuesday was my final day. I almost wanted it to end faster so I could get the sadness over with. I finished my Christmas shopping and went to La Boqueria with Andrew. My final time I started wishing I'd gone there more often. It was ridiculously close to my house but I spent too much time in Carrefour instead, I suppose. I ate lunch with Ana and presented her with a gift...a picture of the three of us in a wood frame. We washed the dishes together. It was beginning to end. I packed all my things after lunch until everything was sealed up into four bags. That night Andrew and I ate gelato and watched his ugly flavor slide down the street after he dumped it so I could eat the cone. I chose winning flavors: Nutella and Dulce de Leche. We went to Antiquari and sat in the empty underground and finally made it to a jazz club where some of my friends were waiting. It's the weirdest thing hearing Spanish men sing like American men. Most people ended up at Ovella again (ugh) including us but only because I needed to say goodbye. I cried a little. Oh! I hoped it wouldn't happen and I'm not sure why it had to, but they were real tears of sadness. Thinking back over how amazing the whole semester was still makes my eyes well. Even while unpacking my bags, it seems like some kind of weird dream that happened. I returned home to get my bags and said bye to Ana. It was such a rush I don't think I allowed myself to be sad again.

The way home was fine, but annoying. Being on a plane for 9.5 hours is never pleasant. The plane was full of Texas people. I was hoping to hold onto Europe at least until I stepped on American soil, but it wasn't happening. The men behind me at the gate in Amsterdam were so Texas businessmen. When I got to Houston I found out that my luggage was still in Amsterdam. I finally got it last night.

Should be studying.

Really, I should be. However, two years of mostly journalism classes have ruined me in that way. I got too used to turning in projects and stories instead of taking tests.

I have one week left here.

I think I'm going to "miss" my flight. Though that's probably a bad idea...my dad would kill me. I do want to stay in Barcelona but right now I need to go back home, graduate, get my life in order and figure out a feasible way to get myself back over here. Before I'm too old to enjoy this city.

This past weekend I went to Berlin and Prague with Megumi. The cities were a lot different than many of the other places I've visited. There was a certain austerity to them. Remnants of their communist past perhaps.

Thoughts:

*Brno, Czech Republic is hardcore. And they have an Interspar train. Probably the scariest form of transportation I've ever encountered.

*Prague is beautiful, just as everyone says. However. The city seems polished for tourists. I'm sure if you were to venture out past the popular part of the city it would be much different. Even within the city center there were parts that just looked...so gray and concrete.

*Megumi and I have decided guys from the U.S. are highly undesirable. (For me...I can make exceptions sometimes.) We met these guys staying in our hostel and all they talked about was going out at night and getting wasted and buying overpriced absinthe. They lack a certain sense of class. They have a way with words and a tone of voice that seems like they're trying too hard to be apathetic. The second night a Brazilian guy joined the mix. We instantly liked him more. He seemed genuine and interesting. He could talk to us about things other than alcohol. There are always exceptions, true, but many American guys need to get it together a little more.

*The Prague castle is hard to figure out. We were never sure we were there. I think we were.

*My Europe guidebook says that "40 years of culinary isolation and centralization under the Communists allowed few innovations in Czech cuisine." Megumi and I beg to differ. Maybe the food isn't innovative, but it was delicious enough for us! Right after we got to Prague we tried these things called trdlo. It's a pastry that's baked around a giant rod. They pull it off the rod (with a big hole in the middle) and it's coated with a glaze of sugar, almonds and cinnamon. It's so warm and yummzzzz. There is also goulash..it's like a beef stew with dumplings. The food is so cheap and it's all warm. I'm sure also very unhealthy.

*It gets too dark too early in that part of the world. The sun shouldn't set at 4:30PM.

*Our second day in Prague we had an adventure at the train station because we were trying to acquire tickets to Berlin. I had already looked up the train we wanted to take. I was trying to explain to the ticket counter man that we needed to go to Berlin through the company Eurocity. He told me that Eurocity wasn't a city. Ugh! Yeah, obviously. "One ticket to Eurocity, please." Luckily we figured it out.

*The train ride to Berlin was gorgeous. The landscape in Czech Republic looks more run down than Germany. I'm just saying. They're both way prettier than Texas' landscape though. I'm such a geographical snob.

*Berlin was tough. It's the toughest city I've ever been to. The language, the people, the food, the history, the buildings, the nightlife, the weather. Everything about that place is SO intense. Megumi and I had a motto for the trip: Prague es suerte y Berlin es fuerte. (Prague is lucky and Berlin is strong.) ((We did have good luck in Prague.))

*Our main problem in Berlin was that we were supposed to CouchSurf with this guy Udi, from Brooklyn. Udi told us we could stay with him. We texted and called him once we got there. No response. Then I got online to send him a message through the web site. He was coming back from a trip in NYC so I thought maybe he'd run into delays. That night we never heard back from him. My friend's Europe guidebook which I am borrowing saved our life! We found a hostel in there, walked with our luggage in the freezing cold and they gave us a room. The next day we checked to see if Udi wrote back. Nothing! Then we saw that he'd last logged in from Berlin, so he was back and just ignoring us! Ugh UDI! From that point on, every time we toasted we toasted to Udi's demise. I wished that he'd get punched in his glasses and that his bike (if he has one) would get in a crash and then his girlfriend (if he has one) would dump him. All in the same day. I don't wish anything too terrible upon him, but he really screwed up our time in Berlin. The second night we arranged a plan to stay out all night. Everything was fine until Megumi got too tired after dinner. We went to the airport in the middle of the night and slept there. The best part was when we got off the S-Bahn at the airport stop. Megumi chased down the conductor because it was so dark and scary she thought we were at the wrong stop. He yelled to us that it was right as the train was pulling away. We walked underground and then along this long sidewalk to the airport entrance. We saw a fox! WTF? Megumi likes to recall that we went on that "scary airport walk where we almost got eaten by a fox." It wasn't quite that bad, but close.

*I want to return to Berlin when the weather is nicer. I am fascinated by Berlin's history. I want to read more about it before I go back.

*Prenzlauerburg is cute.

*I had the strongest drink of my life in Berlin. I also had absinthe. The strongest drink was actually a White Russian that I could barely sip without making a face. The absinthe had no effect. I think I am immune somehow.

*German people are very much how I imagined them to be.

*Sunday I was in three cities in one day. Woke up in Berlin, ate dinner in Nice, France and went to bed in Barcelona.

*Nice was nice, but I think it's too posh. I developed the worst headache of my existence while I was there and I think it ruined the experience a little.

*We saw the craziest man ever while we were waiting for the bus back to the Nice Airport. He was dancing to Justice vs. Simian "Never Be Alone" on the edge of the promenade while wearing leather pants and a vest. He had long hair. His dancing was totally spastic. Everyone would quietly walk by him in fear. It was cold outside. There wasn't a shirt under his vest. Crazy...dancerz.

So that's my trip. Those were my trips. I think it'll be awhile before I get to do much more traveling because I'm so broke. Worth every penny.

I'm only spending money on "fun" and presents while I'm here for the next week.

Tomorrow Andrew is coming. A part of my Texas life is crossing with my Barcelona life. I'm really excited. It'll be nice to share what I've known here with someone from home. :)

I hope my last week is happy, fun, wild and full of smiles. I am going to try not to cry on Monday night when API has the goodbye dinner and I have to say bye to everyone. I'm going to try not to cry when I have to say bye to Megumi when she leaves with her parents to tour the rest of Spain. I'm going to try not to cry when I have to leave Ana. I'm going to try not to cry when I pack my stuff up and leave my room. I'm going to try not to cry when I walk through the Gothic Quarter streets on the way to the bus. I'm going to try not to cry when I see Barcelona from my plane window and know that this experience is over.

This semester has shown me that life is beautiful.

OMGzzzzz... (a combination of being excited and tired)

I think I'm fluent enough in Spanish. I can speak. Más o menos. I'm far from being perfect or having any sort of accent but I can talk to people in Spanish without having a huge problem. Necesito gente para practicar conmigo en los EEUU.

Megumi y yo vamos a Praga y Berlin mañana...er, muy temprano por la mañana de miercoles. No puedo creer que voy al este de Europa. Deseo que busquemos algunos castillos en nuestra viaje, pero pienso que es casi imposible. No pasa nada. ¡Estoy emocionante!

Nada más ahora...estoy MUY MUY MUY cansada. Es un poco mal para salir en los lunes. Demasiado bebidas, pero bueno para dormir. Buenas noches.

Gritting my teeth. Loving Air.

I'm feeling sidetracked by preocupaciones right now. I could say I did something stupid, but rather I feel like I'm having bad luck. It's Saturday night and I should be out but everyone is gone this weekend to other countries. Since I'm not out I should be writing a critical essay of Almodovar's "Volver" or finishing the application for the NYC internship that's due tomorrow night. Stupid school and internships seem completely insignificant right now anyway. Megumi and I are leaving for Prague on Wednesday morning and we still haven't figured out how we're getting from Prague to Berlin. This could be a problem. I guess it'll be the adventure of travel.

Last night I went to see Air. Another amazing concert. I almost missed it. I hate getting to concerts too early, so I left our flat at about 9PM and got to Razzmatazz at about 9:30. Only 5-10 minutes after I got there Air came on stage and started their set. I had a pretty crappy view, but it was sufficient. I really liked the lights they used. There was a sparkly star background with twinkling lights and then a big light box thing in the back that would change colors. Then the lights hanging from above changed colors a lot and spread out in rays. It sounded much different live...not really in a bad way, just in a different way. I think I appreciate more how they make their music after seeing them live. They played all of the favorites and surprisingly few from Pocket Symphony. Nicolas Godin was cool. He seems like the kind of guy you'd want to hang out with. Or at least I would. For some reason I thought they wouldn't play La Femme D'argent because it's so long, but they make it their last and it was WONDERFUL. The ending to that song was so almost orgasmic. I have always said that some of Air's music is probably the sexist I've ever heard. I feel like if a band could represent me I'd pick Air, but not because I think I'm sexy, haha. It's something about the sound and the variety of upbeat versus more mellow sounds. Their music always sounds so flowy and nicely put together, but it's a little off kilter in a way. A good fusion of melodies and harsher beats.

Megumi's back from Amsterdam so perhaps we'll go out for some fun.

It's the dull ache in my stomach, my clammy hands and the tormenta en mi mente. Ugh.

¿No soy guiri?

I am in the midst of writing a paper about "El Avión de la Bella Durmiente" by Gabriel García Márquez. I'll be glad to take a break from literature in Spanish, but I'll have to start up again as soon as the spring semester starts. This story isn't as unappealing as a lot of the other stuff I've read. The vocabulary isn't too bad, the story is from modern times (not 500 years ago) and it's a simple plot. This man sees a pretty young woman while waiting for his flight from Paris to New York. He describes her and seems obsessed with her beauty. Meanwhile there is a snowstorm that prevents them from leaving. Finally they board the plane and he sits by her expecting...I don't really know...to talk to her and propose marriage (well maybe not that). She immediately falls asleep before he can even say anything to her. And she sleeps the WHOLE way to New York. He's looking at her the whole time and thinking of her beauty. Then they land and she gets up and leaves and he never knows anything of her. In some of the analysis I read, they describe the girl as cold and only concerned about herself. I think they give her a hard time. Why is it such a big deal if you get on a plane, fall asleep and then get off without saying "bye" to the creepy older man sitting next to you? Maybe I lost something in translation, but it seems unfair to me.

The narrator also describes something that he had read about previously. Apparently the upper-class men of Kyoto would pay enormous sums to pass the night with the most beautiful girls of the city. The young women were naked and on drugs, while the men were agonizing of love in the same bed. The men couldn't touch or anything because the essence of pleasure was to see them sleeping.

¡Que raro! Is he talking about geishas, or were geishas something different?

Last night I cried a little before I fell asleep because I was listening to music. First a song came on that I heard a lot over the summer, then another song came on that I've only listened to since I've been here. Both songs represent a specific time of my life so well and they both sounded so good. The moral of the story is that I don't want to leave, while at the same time kind of wanting to go home. I feel so confused.

This past weekend was pretty fun. It made me regret not spending more weekends in Barcelona...though seeing Europe is also pretty important. Saturday morning I went to the Penedès Region with API to do a cava tour thing. I almost missed the bus because I overslept, which I NEVER do! Luckily I live close to our meeting spot, so I made it just in time. The tour was kind of boring actually. It reminded me of when I was a little girl and my family used to tour breweries in Wisconsin because my dad liked learning about beer. Then he started home-brewing and our whole house would smell like a brewery with my dad as the mad scientist working the controls, haha. Tasting cava was the best part, but mostly because I was so hungry and thirsty. It's a bit funny that the last thing I'd had to drink the night before was strawberry margarita and then I wake up and drink cava at 11AM. We were able to see Montserrat in the distance from the windowed tasting room.

Later that night Megumi and I went out to celebrate our weekend in Barcelona. We visited what we claim is our favorite bar "Q-Bar" and then went to another place to have Claras. I don't know if Claras exist in the US, but they should. It's beer mixed with tonic of lemon or lemon soda. It's girly for sure, but good. Finally we made it to Apolo, where we had to pay 13 euros to get in. The entrance fees to clubs here are ridiculous. Most are usually around 10 euros, the really popular ones can be more. Usually a drink is included. Some clubs offer free entrance with fliers, but those clubs usually suck or are meant for tourists. It's not as bad as Paris/London where they can be the equivalent of 25-40USD for entrance. Apolo was fun. It's seemed the least touristy of the places I've been, the music was decent (electronic/house), and the dance floor was giant. We went up to the balcony around the floor and looked down...there were so many people! It's what I imagined a European club to be like. From the balcony we spotted a girl in the very front with a bright blue wig, so we made it our mission to go dance with her. We got close and then her friend with a crazy spiky black wig and white hipster sunglasses offered me some of his drink. I was terrified that it probably had 500 types of drugs in it so I declined and told him I liked his hair instead. We left some time around 5:30AM. Things were still going strong. We wanted to go watch the sunrise at the beach (as we'd wanted to do about 15 times before) but as soon as I sat down on my bed I was out for the night.

Sunday I got up and ate lunch, then Megumi and I went out for tea at the cafe down the street since it's so cold in our house. Later I went for stroll around Born with my friend to practice my Spanish and his English. I think it's best to learn with someone who knows about as much of your language as you do of theirs. It's also good to learn with someone who's firm enough to force you to speak in Spanish. I've met many people with whom I can practice my Spanish, but it's always hard if the person knows English well enough because then the conversation always turns into English anyway. Right now I'm feeling irritated because I know I'm at a crucial point in my acquisition of fluency and I have to go home. If I were to continue living here for another 3-4 months, I think I'd be mostly fluent. Things are starting to "click" in terms of speaking, the way they once "clicked" in terms of writing. I'm so worried that I'm going to leave and lose my ability to speak at all. I have to find more people to practice with when I get back home.

Brrrr....I was definitely given the coldest room in our house.

Barcelona... !!! **** :) :) :) <3 <3 <3

¡Que mágico!

No puedo regrasar a los EEUU. Hay demasiado aquí que me gusta mucho.

Ahora, tengo un corazón lleno, fuerte, explosivo y feliz. Quiero compartirlo con el mundo.

Esta es, sin duda, el mejor experiencia de mi vida.

La vida sin viajes

What I'm enjoying:
Bright colors
Mix and match
Art
Amélie
Preparations for Christmas
Bread with oil and salt
Toasty cheeks
Reality

What's irking me:
Conjugating verbs
Flash on cameras
Short fingernails
Unnecessary use of highlighters in class
The twitch in my right eye
People hocking loogies
Profs who lectures too long

--------

So, I really miss Mexican food. I don't even eat it that often in Texas. It always seems so heavy; I don't ever crave it much. There's a Mexican place here but it's gotten mixed reviews. I don't want to waste my time. I also miss pasta. Yesterday I went out to lunch with friends and all I wanted was a big bowl of pasta. I ordered one, but it didn't hit the spot. I'm waiting to eat a huge plate at my dad's when I get back.

Going back home...it's coming up so fast. I think about it every day. I definitely want to be back, but not for too long. I want to see the people I miss and then return to Barcelona, but I know it doesn't work like that. I think the first month back will be nice and then I'll start missing what I have known here. On the other hand, it's possible that I just want to return to a normal style of living. I feel like here I know what I'm doing is temporary. It's been harder to really form true bonds with people for fear of saying goodbye at a predetermined date. I did the same thing, in a way, in Texas before I came here because I knew I'd be gone for a decent amount of time. It's all to protect myself, but sometimes I feel like it's not getting me anywhere. I look forward to having my own place again, being with friends again, living in a place where I speak the language fluently, having days where I don't feel guilty for laying around doing nothing, being able to drive home to see my family and focusing on my career after graduation. Even the simple things...sometimes I miss walking down Guadalupe, grocery shopping and cooking a meal, going downtown in Austin, running into people I know with some frequency...I don't have to miss it for much longer. The best way to look at it: at least I'm not going to be immediately depressed upon my arrival to Texas. I'm going to have to return to living with the future in mind. Living here is only about the present.

This week since I've been back I've been trying to experience Barcelona more. Tuesday I ventured up Montjuïc to go to Fundació Joan Miró. Miró was an abstract/surreal/Dada artist from the 20th century. He was from Cataluña/Islas Baleares. His museum houses much of his work plus special exhibitions. Even before I came to Europe, and especially since I've been here, I really like paintings of nudes. I've thought about starting some kind of collection, but I'm generally too poor to buy a bunch of art and I don't exactly have the space to collect many things at this point in my life. Anyway, the special exhibition was called "Un cos sense límits" which translates to "The body without limits". It was mostly an exhibition of nudes with art by Picasso, Matisse, Miró, Basquiat, Braque and Magritte, plus a bunch more I didn't recognize as much. My favorite was a piece by Egon Schiele, but I can't find a reproduction of it anywhere. It was really interesting to look at two pieces side by side, one might be really abstract, like a Picasso, and another might be totally realistic. I try to imagine how these artists interpret the bodies they're recreating and how the bodies would look in real life.

The rest of the museum was cool, too. Miró's work is a bit too abstract for my personal tastes, though I enjoyed looking at it. My favorite was called "May 1968" just because of the feeling I got from it.




Later that night I went to a concert with Megumi and her Swiss friend from class. He'd met the performers at a party the previous weekend. First it was a Japanese woman who sang with a keyboard...though we missed most of it. Then there were two guys who were like DJs except their music was really calm. It was mostly all electronic and made with their Macs. Then there was a projector with distorted video clips from Japan. It was hip to the max. I really liked the way the club looked inside. After the concert we went out with another Swiss and some Germans.

Another day I saw Sagrada Familia for the first time. I'd seen the spires from a distance, but I'd never been close enough to see the whole thing. It was impressive, but I want to return later to go inside to the top. The batteries in my camera were dead anyway.

I've been trying to go out more at night since I'm less tired and not traveling as much. I still can't say I know what my favorite bars or clubs are. I suppose I have preferences, but there are so many of them here it's impossible to know what might really be the best. What a horrible task...visiting all these bars and clubs! :)

Full steam ahead.

Without a British acc(id)ent.

I don't regret worrying about my trip to London. If I hadn't been so scared, I wouldn't have prepared myself as much and without the proper preparations I'd probably run into many problems. My hostel was very far away from the center of London. It took about 45 minutes by Tube/bus. Before I left my host mom's daughter (who used to live there) told me there were a lot of "rappers" in Deptford. It ended up being fine. I met people from Canada and New Zealand with such interesting travel stories to tell.

The Arcade Fire on Saturday night: best concert of my life so far. Before this I thought The Strokes, Radiohead and Coldplay were the best live bands I'd seen. They're still high on my list, but I was so excited about this particular concert. Perhaps the circumstances are what made me enjoy it so much. A friend of mine told me that when he travels the happy moments are always happier and the bad moments are always worse. I found out the day before I left for London that Clinic (another band I like) would be opening. I got there right as they started their set, but it was really short. I saw one of the band members shaking his head, so maybe there was some problem. Truthfully, Clinic's performance was forgettable. While I was waiting for Arcade Fire I couldn't stop fidgeting and bobbing around. I was too excited to stand still. The venue was a really big room with high ceilings, quite nice inside. I was able to get close...the front row was a possibility, but it would have taken some pushing. Which is a huge difference between shows in Texas and shows in London. If you push through the crowd in London people get really mad. They stare and will say something if you don't move quickly. I didn't want to risk it. Here's just a clip of the concert. It's the best quality I could find. I took some of my own videos but my digital camera cannot handle the sound of Arcade Fire.



They covered Age of Consent by New Order. It was pretty amazing. I think being alone in a city I have no ties to enabled me to let go even more. I was singing and dancing along to all the songs...in a crowd of unknowns. I felt so free. I honestly didn't care at all because I would never see those people again. After that show, I would have paid another 100USD to go again the next night. It was that good. I've never wanted an encore so bad. It took me two hours to get back to the hostel. Right before I decided to sleep I put in my headphones. The only music I could choose was The Arcade Fire. I had no appetite for anything else. I listened...realized they are actually better live. Quite an accomplishment. I listened...and looked out the window from my top bunk, seeing the little cars swerving in the roundabout below. It had the look of coldness, London coldness. I knew I'd never forget that moment and how completely and totally satisfied I felt.

I saw many of the sights in London, but they didn't compare to walking around in some of the neighborhoods. Big Ben, Westminster Abbey, Buckingham Palace, changing of the guard, St. James Park, Piccadilly Circus, Oxford Street, Trafalgar Square, The British Museum, riding a double decker bus--I saw/did it. (Though I didn't see the big cathedral or the Tower of London...don't care.) It was great to see all that stuff but my favorite places were Notting Hill on Saturday afternoon and Brick Lane on Sunday morning.

Notting Hill is basically a super cute, super hip neighborhood in West London. They have a huge market in the street on Portobello Road. Imagine a market of Whole Foods but much better and more international. Then add a market of clothes and furniture and anything else you can imagine. It was fabulous...and a little rainy. We sat and drank English tea from the balcony of a restaurant. Then I bought the best cupcake of my life and ate it in the streets. The houses are pastel colors! Kind of sick, but really sweet.

Brick Lane is in the East End. It's "Charles Dickens' London" and also where Jack the Ripper killed. Right now it's a predominately Bangladeshi area, very ethnic. They also have a big market on Sunday morning. The area is known for its excellent curry, though I was too poor and it was too early for curry. I did find a little bakery with a huge line. I stood in line and ordered the best bagel ever. It was all really cheap, for London. On my way back to the Tube station I walked past a guy dressed just like a Charles Dickens character, except this guy was totally some London hipster dude. I thought it was funny that the area gets known as being Dickens-y, then gains fame for being so ethnic and then as it becomes gentrified the people end up dressing like Dickens characters anyway. Maybe then the hipsters will start dressing like Bangladeshis. Who knows? Then I walked past a few puddles of left over vomit from the night before. Vomit is so common in the streets here. I think there is a positive correlation between how fun a neighborhood is on Saturday night and how much vomit is in the streets Sunday morning.

When I left on Sunday night it was snowing. I thought London was magical because of that. More logically, I was glad to leave because I don't think I was prepared to handle snowy London.

Right now it's surprisingly warm in Barcelona. I have two weeks of vacation in this city now. Two weeks to take care of everything I haven't done yet. Two weeks to prepare finals. Two weeks to go to as many fiestas as possible. I feel some sort of life progress. I don't mind eating stale bread, I speak broken Spanish without reservation and I'm preaching my faulty life philosophy to strangers.

Everything in life is amplified right now. It's a brilliance I've only known for brief moments in the States. I don't know how I'm going to maintain my mental health when I return to a life in washed out colors.

What's possibly the biggest letdown about Spain?

The gum here sucks.

Every American realizes it. "Sticks" of gum don't exist at all. Everything comes as those fat little rectangular type pieces. They all lose their flavor really fast, none of them have real sugar in them, the flavors are mostly weird fruity combinations and the boxes come with less than ten pieces in them. The two main brands are either Trident or Orbitz, that's it. It's not even cheap for such a crappy product. I'm going to chew so much gum when I get home.

I'm starting to get exhausted from all the traveling. I really wish I'd scheduled my London trip for one weekend later. I'm not prepared to go and I'm leaving in less than a day. I have this intuition something bad might happen, like I'll either lose a lot of money, or get hurt or get stuck somewhere. Quite honestly, I'm scared. On the plus side, they speak English. However, my hostel is really far away to the point where I don't think I can walk to it and it's supposed to be kind of wild which means even if I go home early (because the Metro is going to close) I probably won't be able to sleep from all the noise. I have no idea what I'm going to do there besides go to the concert. Even the concert is far away in another part of town and I'm going to be there alone. :( I think instead of worrying I'm going to try my best to prepare what I can and then wing it from there.

Last weekend I was in Paris. It was even more beautiful than I expected. I must return one day, hopefully in some time in spring when it's a little less cloudy and rainy. I've decided that I want to go to Rome, Paris and Barcelona for my honeymoon because it's probably the next chance I'll have to take an extravagant vacation. I wouldn't even care about having a nice wedding ceremony if it meant I could travel in Europe. Rome, Paris and Barcelona are all crawling with couples...it's kind of too much.

Right before we left for Paris I went over my friend's flat because we'd made plans to have a waxing party. She waxed my armpits and my screams rang out through the rooms. There were laughs interspersed because it was so funny. Waxing is so efficient but so painful. We may have a future together anyway.

Then we took a night train to Paris, we also took one home. After the trip I'd spent three of the past eight nights sleeping in trains. In Paris I saw a couple of cemetaries, the Louvre, underground catacombs, the Eiffel Tower (too many times), Arc de Triomphe, Champs Elysees, the banks of the Seine, Notre Dame, Montmartre, Moulin Rouge and Sacre-Coeur. I ended up getting really frustrated on Saturday because despite my attemps at planning and organizing my time I felt like I wasn't seeing and understanding anything. It's really important for me to understand the significance of things. Many things I just walked by or took pictures of. Other things ended up irritating me over the trip. The second night I was there my friend and I bought food from the local shops and markets to eat for dinner. After finishing we decided to take a two hour nap and wake up at midnight to get ready to go out. We never woke up and I ended up sleeping through all of our Saturday night in Paris. For me, it's really hard to find the energy to "party" when I'm traveling. I get too tired.

Montmartre was probably my favorite part of Paris. It's still technically part of Paris, but it's more like a village. It's less crowded and so beautiful. It's where they filmed Amélie. So close to there is the street Clichy where they have so many sex shops and sex shows and hookers (though I didn't see them). It's the street where Moulin Rouge is located. It wasn't cute at all and my eyes were burning from all the naked pictures all over the shops windows. It was raining when I went inside Notre Dame. After I came out I was trying to explore a little bit in the really old part of Paris but it started pouring. I got stuck in the storm and wasted 15 minutes standing in a little door stoop by myself with a soggy coat. The Louvre was nice, but I think I enjoyed the Met (in NYC) a little more. I've seen so much art over here. I think I'm forming an even deeper appreciation for art musuems. I regret that I didn't eat a crepe while in Paris. Everyone seemed shocked. I'd had crepes before, are they really that different in France? I guess I'll have another chance to eat French crepes in December. On our way back to Spain the French trains workers were about to go on strike. Our train arrived in Barcelona at 8AM, the same time they started striking. We were really lucky. The other API group had their trip cancelled because there aren't trains to Paris anymore. They're all really really upset, understandably. It's too late for API to book plane tickets for everyone. They're trying to reschedule but most people already had other trips planned. They're not refunding any money, which seems like a bad idea.

Three things that get on my nerves about photos:
-Flash. I hate it. I hate when people use it unnecessarily.
-When people crop other people out of pictures for profile pictures. I would be sad if I was the cropped out person, wouldn't you?
-When people don't use the rule of thirds when they're taking a picture of someone in a location. Or when the person is angled so they're facing out of the frame.

It just irks me.

A few weeks ago my host mom's dog died, while I was in Sevilla. She's been pretty sad because Nuba was like her child. Sometimes it's weird to come home without the dog here. Her daughter is asking for a cat, but Ana keeps explaining that she doesn't want any more pets right now. It makes me think of my Baby. I miss him!

I've also decided, besides the European honeymoon, that if by some chance I ever have kids...I need to raise them in Europe. I feel like they'll turn out better. I'd be able to take them on more educational vacations, they'd learn other languages, and probably have a better understanding of the world, not just America. This could all be done easily if I marry a European. I'd get dual citizenship. There are such differences between European and American guys. Basically I think European men are more chivalrous and open with their affection but less dedicated to any one person. In contrast American men treat women casually and are more closed with their emotions but they seem to devote themselves to one person more readily.

Hopefully my next update will be about my London adventure. If I make it back.

El Sur

I got back on Monday.

GRANADA

-Leaving the house at 4:00AM.
-Sitting in the airport shuttle thirty minutes before our flight to Granada was going to leave. Worrying that we wouldn't make it.
-Watching Pink Panther on the plane while listening to Cocteau Twins on my iPod. An interesting soundtrack.
-Sleeping in the airport for two hours because it was too early and too cold. Cricket tells me I dress like a "sassy art teacher". This is where the joke takes its roots...that I am somehow sassy.
-Arriving in Granada and meeting our CouchSurfing host. Sleeping in his flat for another few hours and FREEZING.
-Going out for tapas with our host. Granada is one of the only places in Spain where you actually get free tapas with a drink. I was buzzed and full for less than 6 euros. :)
-Trying to register for spring classes from an internet cafe that night. Ugh.
-The impromptu 80s dance party in our host's flat. With only three people in attendance.
-Walking around aimlessly in our "costumes" because it was Halloween. The cold air pinched at our faces and we eventually gave up because we were so cold and tired.
-Sleeping across the crack that joins two beds. Being uncomfortable but not caring.
-Running up the hill towards the Alhambra at 7:30AM. Sipping coffee and eating chocolate pastries in line. And then GETTING TICKETS! I forgot all of the problems in the world at that moment.
-Being in a state of amazement/awe/wonder/shock the whole time I was at the Alhambra. Touching the plaster with my hands. Trying to imagine sultans strutting around. (All I could think of were scenes from Aladdin for some reason.) Wondering how I could replicate those types of decorations in my own house one day. Walking through the gardens. Looking at the city down below. A very happy time.
-Buying wine for our host and then finding a change purse in the plaza outside. Contained 29 euros, two stamps, a lottery ticket and a safety pin. Waiting to see if someone would come claim it. No one did so we kept it and bought lunch at the bus station.
-The landscape between Granada and Sevilla. Hills covered with perfectly spaced trees. The huge yellow Spanish sun setting ahead of us.

SEVILLA

-The nicest hostel I've ever stayed at. Everything in white, marble floors and a modern bathroom. Snooty receptionists. Stupid American boys trying to hang out with us.
-Encountering a Russian girl on the street who showed us the way to Calle Alfalfa.
-Sitting in a pizza place for hours ordering more and more food. The waiter brought me two desserts by accident. Okay!
-Seeing girls from my class at UB on the street.
-Following two Spanish guys all over the city and ending up at a semi-pijo club. Realizing people in Sevilla dress way too formally for every occasion and non-occasion.
-Having to sit down on a doorstep for a few minutes to collect my stomach on the way home.
-Next day, eating huge bocadillos in Plaza Nueva with Holly while discussing our philosophies about relationships and studying abroad.
-Touring the Alcázar. It bascially reminded me of a lesser version of the Alhambra.
-My friends talking to a ridiculously drunk man from the UK for thirty minutes. It was only 6:00PM. I sat under a statue by myself because I didn't want to be associated with the shenanigans.
-Eating tapas and drinking a gross wannabe-sangria drink. Going to an Italian restaurant in what used to be a building for the Arab baths. Italian food, Moorish decor, in the heart of southern Spain. A true mezcla.
-Going to a club with lights made of fishbowls with fish swimming in them.

CÓRDOBA

-Catching the bus to Córdoba. Noticing the scenery change right before arriving in Córdoba. Wake up to a landscape that looks like a desert, with dunes made of something that wasn't sand.
-Walking through the Jewish Quarter looking for a place to eat lunch. Walk too far and end up on a main street away from the tourists. Choose a Chinese restaurant. Pretty much the same all over the world.
-Enter La Mezquita. Didn't realize how many of the red and white arches there were inside. A very contrasting mix of Muslim and Christian architecture. Parts seem completely Christian, other parts seem completely Muslim. Technically it is Christian right now. I didn't have an audio guide so it was hard to understand exactly why everything was so important.
-Buying candy at the bus station. 1.10euro for 100 grams. I got 300 grams and ate most of it on the bus ride home. Felt sick.

MORE SEVILLA

-Back in Sevilla found La Carbonería for a Flamenco show. Known to be authentic with a good mix of tourists and locals. I was convinced. Flamenco is the sassiest dance I've seen.
-Holly and I walk around the city for a couple of hours with our friend from Barcelona and his friend who studies in Sevilla. The streets and clubs are mostly empty due to the holiday.
-Weather the next morning is perfect. I buy a chocolate palma that doesn't taste fresh. We walk to Plaza España where there is a huge car show going on. From what I can tell they are all Seat 600s. (Is that a type of car?) I immediately want one. They are divine.
-We watch a poor vendor trying to hawk his cheap scarves to tourists. His wife/friend is trying to sell fans. I buy one. Not out of sympathy or pressure. Only because I want one.
-We eat tapas for a couple of hours. Cricket gets a 6.00 euro gofre (waffle). Feels ripped off, haha.
-We tour the cathedral and go to the top of the Giralda. We are exhausted. Too many sites in one weekend. I could have appreciated cathedral/Giralda a lot more than I did. Though the view from the top was superb.
-Walk around for a few more hours. Stop at a little mercado where we buy bread, drinks, fruit, pastries and other things. We sit in the plaza outside where there are people, but not too many. The weather is still perfect, the sun is about to start setting, my bread tastes amazing. We talk about all of our inside jokes from the trip: being pijas, being sassy and poop. In the midst of one of our poop talks someone loudly closes a window. I assume it was a coincidence because most people don't speak much English.
-On our way back to the center we encountered some ancient ruins right in someone's backyard.
-Picked up our luggage and went to the train station.
-While I am using the bathroom a woman tries to open my stall and I hold it shut. Then she tries to open it again and I slam it in her face. What's with people? A slamming stall door means it's occupied!
-We took the Trenhotel. Slept for many hours. The next day we all laugh because there was a woman in each of our cars and got totally undressed and went under the sheets. These crazy Spanish ladies!

Southern Spain is so different from Barcelona. After visiting some of the other cities in the country, I can definitely see why Cataluña wants/wanted to be its own entity. There's a totally different feel to Barcelona. It's much more international, the style is much more artsy and modern and the people are a bit more closed off. As I've seen graffitied so many times around here, "Cataluña is not Spain." I think Cataluña is more like Spain's cousin. They are similar but not the same. What's really begun to irritate me is when people ask why I'm trying to learn Spanish in Barcelona. Spanish IS spoken here. Catalan is prevalent on signs in the city but it's easy to understand if you know Spanish. Everything is available in Spanish and people speak to you in Spanish. I don't feel like it's any kind of disadvantage to learn Spanish here. Barcelona is still my favorite city in Spain, without a doubt.

Ramblings instead of travelings.

I should really calm down with this blog but there are always a few random thoughts in my mind that I want to write down. Living here, there's always something I've noticed, even if it's just a normal day. Today my mood is frustrated. I'm not sure exactly why. I think it's related to my feeling of unproductiveness. It's been the hugest headache trying to obtain tickets to the Alhambra in Granada. Alhambra is basically the reason we're going to that city. I don't even feel like explaining the whole story because it's too annoying. I've been trying to get the tickets since last week and found out today they're sold out. Our only option now is to wait in line at 7:30AM the day we want to go. Not appealing. Ugh, I spent all weekend worrying/trying to get them and it was all for nothing. I almost had them last night but the stupid web site "couldn't complete my transaction" for whatever reason. We're getting in. I'll make sure of that.

I feel too lazy for anything right now. I think I need a siesta. There are many things I need to get done because I'm leaving in less than two days, but I feel too frustrated and tired. I keep so many lists and it's driving me nuts because nothing gets crossed off. I tried not keeping lists here. I tried! And I couldn't manage. I started forgetting important things. Lists are too much a part of me. I remember creating lists that planned out my afternoon by 15 minute intervals when I was in elementary school. My biggest accomplishment is that I stopped writing down my homework assignments. :) I feel like such a rebel.

Happier news: it is possible my Spanish is improving. I finally understand where accent marks go. I remember being totally confused about that until my second/third years of college. Now I can hear words and tell where the accents are...for the most part. I've also met some people here that speak Spanish who've told they notice my fluency has improved. But sometimes it's still really bad. Sometimes I find it impossible to communicate things to Ana. Or I just can't understand what she's telling me. And then once I get too conscious about what I'm trying to say, it's over. There's still such a disconnect between what's going on in my mind and what my mouth is doing. I hear the mistakes come out of my own lips, but I always feel so rushed to finish sentences that I keep going even if it's wrong. Then I get stopped and corrected anyway, even though I know its' wrong. My mind doesn't necessarily immediately think of stuff in Spanish, but it's always trying to translate. I'm getting too accustomed to everything in Spanish. We met some men from England on the way to the soccer game yesterday and it was so weird to speak to someone in public, strangers, not in Spanish. I think it's going to be really odd to go to London and hear so much English again.

Another thing I've gotten used to: smoking. It's not me with the cigarettes, but it doesn't bother me in the same way it once did. Smoking is widely accepted and tolerated here. It seems to be done more in moderation, like people will smoke a couple a day. I personally can't understand the reasons people start smoking and I guess they only continue because of addiction. I just don't ever want to be the old lady with yellow teeth and nails, a wrinkly face and sicknesses. In the meantime I'll continue to inhale the wafts of secondhand smoke swirling around me.

Last night's Barca game was awesome. It went by way too fast though. I'm used to watching baseball games. They crawl compared to how fast soccer matches are played. We learned who the popular players were, did some cheering, made friends with the middle-aged men nearby and left in a tizzy. Soccer fans are pretty wild, even for a low profile game. It's something I'm SO glad I did, but not something I'd do often if I lived here.

Right now I'm saying YES to:
-going to Southern Spain
-productivity
-text messages
-my new boots
-Philip Glass
-pink fingernails

And NO to:
-the pain behind my eyes
-leisure reading
-cold hands
-spending money
-the lack of Halloween in this country
-my lack of Alhambra tickets

Más mañana o más en una semana.

Up in the air.

Today I was in the shower thinking about how much I love it here. I've talked to a few people who seem to think there's no reason why I couldn't just come back after I graduate. People in other parts of the world seem to pick up and leave their countries like it's nothing. I ask..."What about getting a job? What about a visa? What about money?" The answer is universally: you just get a job, start working, meeting people and you're okay. I don't know if I could do something like that, I'm too focused on exactly what I want, but would it be so bad to change my plans? Barcelona (and Europe) is messing with my head. It's seducing me in this disgusting way that makes me want to give everything up to stay here forever. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm here in fantasyland as a student without any responsibilities. If I were here as an adult with a job it would be so much different. My original point, I was in the shower thinking about how I could get over here more legitimately after graduation. I want to start considering jobs in documentary production. I want to see the world. It's so much more important than murders, house fires and car accidents. My host mom went on a fifteen minute tirade this morning about how horrible TV is. How it's making people imbeciles. I've known for awhile, and I only noticed more this summer, that I'm different than a lot of the people in the business. It's not to say I can't get along with them or that they're bad people; I'm just different. I can identify with the competitiveness, the bottom line-ness, the importance of deadlines, the love of current events. However, I can't relate to being fake with people to get what you want from them. I can't relate to annoying people who shouldn't be bothered. I feel like two things could happen if I get a job in broadcasting after graduation: I can either use my different-ness to my advantage and pass up all of the chumps on my way to the top. My other option is that I'll have to give it up if I can't fit in enough to do well in the business. I can't conform...to be the perky, cute reporter they might want me to be. I feel like I'll either do really well or really fail. If I start to fail I'm going straight to documentaries. In Europe. I might just do it anyway.

I realized I haven't driven a car in two months. I think I'll be really scared to drive when I get back. Here driving is such a procedure, it seems so difficult. I can't say I miss it at all. Though I'd still love to ride a moto around for a day.

Regretfully, we missed the sunrise again this morning. Instead I got a lovely view of the city from the top of someone's terrazza a few hours before the sunrise. I could see my building right down the street and the window of Santa Maria del Pi. Barcelona is so beautiful.

Tonight is the soccer game! WOOOOOO FCB!

AHHHHHH!

I'M GOING TO SEE THE ARCADE FIRE IN LONDON!

I don't care that it's expensive.
I don't care the venue is in North London.
I don't care I'm going alone.

This is going to be amazing.

!!!!!!!!! :)

Arcade Fire in London

I was just looking to see if any bands I know would be playing in London the weekend I'll be there. Well...The Arcade Fire.

OMG.

I can hardly believe it. Obviously I started looking for tickets immediately. Apparently they sold out within two minutes after they went on sale in June. However, I found a random person that's selling some for 50£. That's 100USD but I don't care. If I can see The Arcade Fire in LONDON my life will be complete. Here's to hoping it can happen.

(I also entered a contest to win two tickets to M.I.A. in London in December. Who knows...?)

Eating Nutella straight out of the jar...

There are about six places I would like to write about that I've visited, but it seems too long and difficult to do. I am considering just uploading some pictures or just writing a brief list. I would almost rather write about the day to day things that are happening to me and how it feels to live here. It's boring, in a way, to simply recall activity after activity when traveling around.

Life in Barcelona is awesome. This is my last weekend in the city before three straight weekends of travel. Megumi and I have vowed to make it unforgettable. Friday I don't have class so I'm going to try to do something cultural like visit a museum or go to Sagrada Familia, since I still haven't been. I also want to take some pictures of my school since it'll be mostly empty and less embarrassing/annoying. Thursday and Friday night are for boys. Reluctant. Saturday Megumi is going to be Cava tasting and my other friends are going to be in Rome. I'll have a sort of free day. Maybe indulge in another cultural experience. I was thinking I could take the train to Girona for the day, but I'd rather save some money. Saturday night is our big night. Megumi and I are going somewhere really fun. We're not sure where yet, but we're buying champagne and drinking it on the beach while we watch the sunrise. If we don't become too exhausted first. Then Sunday! Today we bought tickets for a fútbol game! We're going to see Barcelona play Almeria on Sunday night. It's going to be so crazy. I'm not the type to spend money on a sporting event, but watching a fútbol game in Spain...it has to be done! Then the next week begins and I'm leaving on Wednesday morning to go to Southern Spain.

This past week my host mom's dad, Fernando, has been staying with us because his wife (my host mom's mom) is in Madrid with Carla (my host mom's daughter) to see the dentist. They've been gone since Sunday and I think they won't be back for another few days. It's strange, for a dentist he must be magic. On Tuesday Fernando cooked paella. It was so gigantic. The paella plate was as big as a large pizza. It contained at least three lobsters, clams, mussels, shrimps and squid. There were so many shells all over the place. I really like seafood, but it's much "fresher" here, which means it's much harder for me to each. When someone serves me a dish that has eyes and legs and hairs still attached, I don't know where to start. It's mostly the lobster and shrimp that gives me trouble. After lunch Fernando told Megumi and I there was still a live lobster in the refrigerator. Super fresh. Today we ate him in a stew for lunch and I got the head. I couldn't eat it. Seafood is hard to eat when it has a face. After getting lobster face in my stew Ana brought out a hunk of cured meat from Mallorca that looked like it was stitched together in Texas Chainsaw Massacre. They told me the mixed meat inside was being held together with skin from a butt. It seriously looked like some kind of rotten football. And then I ate a big piece. Sabroso y picante. Cada día hay una nueva adventura de comida. Pan con tomate y aceite is so good. Bread with mashed tomato, olive oil and salt on it. Mmmm. I'm already wondering where I can buy Spanish type foods when I get back to the US.

Less happy news, Nuba, Ana's dog, is getting old and sick. She can't climb/descend the three flights of stairs to/from our flat anymore because her legs are messed up because she's old. Ana kept trying to get her to go out to use the bathroom but she keeps falling. Now she's started taking dumps in the house because there's nothing else to do. It's not like we have a backyard or anything. Ana tries to lay out newspapers and stuff, but I don't know how long this can go on. It's really sad because Nuba is like Ana's child.

I can't believe my stay here is half over. I'm already getting so sad. This life I am living is nothing like I've known in so many years. I have so little responsibility and so much time to do what I want. It's going to be a drastic and difficult change when I return to the US. I don't know how I'm going to deal with it. Though, right now I wish I could be in the US for a few hours because I read they are re-releasing Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D. As soon as I saw the ad, I tried to figure out if I could see it in Spain. Unfortunately this appears to only be a US engagement. :( Someone see it for me and tell me how cool it was. I miss movies in English. I've seen many here for my film class, but it's not as enjoyable when you're trying to translate everything. Luckily, Jamie (Carla's husband) has a huge collection of DVDs (in ENGLISH) and is letting us borrow them. Problem is, when am I going to have time to sit down and watch a movie?

Come back in focus again

A few weeks ago the professor of my Textos Narrativos class asked us an interesting question pertaining to the story we had just read. Translated...

"Are your desires part of your identity?"

I've been trying for too many minutes to answer this question and I keep erasing what I write because it sounds complicated and uninteresting. I think my professional desires are part of my identity right now. What other kinds of desires do I even have? This is where I'm getting stuck. I have personal desires...like related to my social/romantic life. I have desires related to my own self...like things I want to do to improve my own experience on this earth. I guess like another branch of personal desires. I have, maybe world desires, is how I could put it. Desires to improve the lives of other people. Is is sad that my professional desires are the only ones I feel like define me? Sometimes I feel like the personal desires identify me, but only to the extent that they are related exclusively to me. I don't like to have my identity linked to anyone else's. I don't know; I just thought it was a cool question.

I recently downloaded the new Radiohead CD. I think it's amazing. If I was more musically literate I would try to explain why. I like some of the lyrics. I love Thom Yorke's voice. I like a lot of the guitar...solos...I don't know if they're exactly solos. The way the guitar complements everything else. Sometimes it has a strong sounds and...harmonizes maybe. Ugh, why can't I describe these things better? I guess I'll never be a music reviewer. I am definitely impressed though. I was scared after Radiohead released Hail to the Thief and I thought they said they wouldn't release anymore LPs. But they have, they are! Right now my favorite songs are "Nude", "Weird Fishes/Arpeggi" and "Jigsaw Falling Into Place". However, this is subject to change.

Today I booked my tickets to Southern Spain. I'm going over Halloween weekend. I really wish I could be in the US for Halloween. I want to get dressed up! I guess seeing Granada, Cordoba and Sevilla will be just as good. It's going to be All Saints while we're there. I hear Andalucia is friendlier, cheaper and more traditionally Spanish than the rest of the country. After visiting Toledo and seeing the influence of so many cultures I got REALLY excited about this trip. I have also altered my plans for Prague. I was having trouble getting someone to go with me. Megumi was considering, but she wanted to see Berlin. I wasn't opposed to Berlin, so we put our heads together and decided to fly to Berlin, take a bus to Prague and then go back to Barcelona from there. TWO CITIES! With Megumi. It's going to be our grand finale! Right before finals and right before I go back to the US. Though I might try to squeeze one more short trip in. I still want to go to (and can easily get to) Avignon, somewhere in northern Spain and Portugal. I'd only have time for one, if that.

Since my computer broke I've been to Tarragona, Montserrat and Madrid. (Tarra/Mont are actually SOUTH of Barcelona, not north.) Tomorrow I'm leaving for Figueres which is north of Barcelona, for sure. It's close to France and home to the Dalí Museum. I have yet to write about any of these adventures in the blog. :( I've been really busy this week and haven't had time to sit down to write long entrages. I'll make it happen because I can't forget these times.

Tonight was supposed to be a low-key wine and cheese gathering, although canceled. Now, a pub instead, perhaps. Today I watched the most boring (and most important, some say) Spanish movie, El Verdugo. Last night I tangoed on the streets at 3AM with an Argentinian dancer. I ate Nutella and galletas in the kitchen when I got home. We'd eaten little squids for dinner and I couldn't swallow enough to fill me up. It was like eating bugs. The smell is still lingering in the refrigerator. Rather, taking over.

I keep getting into situations and I can't believe it's my life. Halfway through the semester my friends and I still talk about how unreal it is we're living here.

RIP, still

I am once again with computer.

I have the ability to write about the trips I've been taking and the things I've been noticing, but it's not the time right now. Yesterday would have been my grandma's birthday, it was also the one year anniversary of her death. I've been thinking about her. I went back to read my entries about it on my LiveJournal. I also wrote a letter to her...after she had died. It was saved on my computer, but after it crashed, I don't know. I suppose it's saved on my other hard drive in the United States. One year later I am still thinking of her frequently. It's still unreal that she's not in my life anymore. I think of all the things that have happened to me over the past year that I wish she could know about. She knew I was going to come to Spain. She was really excited for me. We wanted her to come to Italy, but she was scared to fly.

Life goes on, the pain slowly subsides, but it's still hard to think that she's gone. Her death toppled me in an unreal way last year. It wasn't the type of emotional pain that can physically affect you, it was the type of deep pain that makes you think and think and think. It's missing someone and thinking of all the little details about them and all of the memories you had together.

No more Mac.

Mac and I are over. I'm obviously going to keep the things I already have (computer, iPod, iTunes) but I am no longer supporting them. Unless they decide to comply with my requests, which I will make clear in my formal complaint.

My hard drive crashed last week. I originally thought the gray screen problem would be minor, but apparently not. My computer is less than a year and a half old and the warantee only expired in June. I am guessing Mac will tell me I should have gotten Apple Care. Whatever. It's disgraceful that they can sell me a computer that will break in such a short amount of time. Especially after I've already had numerous problems with it. It was sent back to the factory once to have the outer shell replaced and after that it always had a backlight flicker...that was well-documented online...though when I took it to the store (still under warantee at that point) that claimed they had no idea what the problem was or what I was talking about.

Thankfully some of my information was backed up. I would have had almost everything backed up if it hadn't been for the incompatibility problems the MacBook had with my external hard drive at the end of the summer. Yet another negative for Mac: they try to tell you it's so compatible with everything a PC is, but it's not.

Besides the laptop, my iPod is also faulty. The first one I had was replaced by Mac (under warantee) because it stopped functioning correctly. They admitted their mistake but charged me $30 processing to give me a replacement. My new one has a cosmetic/mechanical problem now with the middle button on the click-wheel. It no longer clicks, it still works, though irritatingly and with force. However, the problem turned up right after the warantee was already over. Even though the new iPod was just that...NEW because it was a replacement. And it broke in a matter of months.

I was skeptical of Mac to begin with...after I got one and became a "Mac person" I was still never totally convinced. Macs are hip; they look nice...I guess for some people they even function correctly. However, I cannot accept this. Mac is "una trampa". A trick, my new favorite Spanish word. I'm having to pay amounts of money I cannot afford when I am already overseas watching my bank account deplete. It's been one blow after another over here. I don't even care anymore. Money can always be earned back. In the end, I'm never going to be a bum living in a box on the street, so what's the point of worrying too much. I'm going to be a poor journalist for a long time anyway so I might as well get used to it.

That's it. I'm done thinking about the bi-partisan world of computers. Once I was the ugly conservative PC, then I became a cool liberal Mac. Now I'm a disillusioned Mac who was filled with false promises by Steve Jobs, the ultimate candidate. Where are the third parties?

Hmmm...off to forget my troubles in Madrid this weekend. Non-pissy updates about culture and travels coming soon.

mad mad mad

Well...the luggage problems were annoying and expensive. Then the robbery was scary and also expensive. I´ve been sick-ish for the past month I´ve been here. Our laundry machine has been broken for the past two weeks. I haven´t been able to wash any of my clothes since I left the United States. All of that´s fine. Despite these inconsequential problems I´ve been deliriously happy here.

Then, last night, my computer died. UGHHHHHHHHHHH! I get a gray screen with a flashing file folder that has a question mark inside of it. WTF? There are also some clicking noises when the computer first turns on, which worries me because the problem could be mechanical. The Apple site says the computer needs to remember where the operating system is, or something. But I don´t have a reinstall CD. I also looked at some Mac help forums and the answers seem scary. Many people just had crappy computers that stopped functioning. This cannot happen to me! I don´t have the money for a new laptop. Besides, mine is less than 1.5 years old. And how the hell do I go about fixing a computer when I can hardly explain the problem in Spanish? There´s not even a Mac store here! I feel doomed because I realize my computer is my life.

-Connection to home, anti-homesickness device
-Ability to write/blog, my therapy
-My stereo, source of music
-How I do my banking
-How I plan these trips I´m supposed to take
-How I get news from the States
-Watching movies
-Help with assignments for school
-Knowing where things are located in Barcelona

I can´t survive without a computer. There are computers I can use at school and at the library but they´re always in use because no one really has laptops here. It´s not like I can get on and take care of everything at once. Why is Apple so bad to me? I´ve had problems with my iPod and problems with my computer. I guess all of the trash-talking I did has come back to haunt me. I guess I´m not just compatible with Mac...I´m just the ugly PC man from the commercials. Or maybe I´m not either. Computers just hate me.

Titulo General

Tomorrow I'm going to Sitges for the day. It's a little beach town south of Barca. Though the weather is getting colder. I am now greeted by an autumn crispness when I step outside. It's this particular feel the air gets...I've written about it before. I think I love it so much because it reminds me of my childhood in Chicago. In Texas I usually don't feel the crispness before we're well into October. But here! I felt it today when I woke up! It's the morning coldness when it's difficult to get out of bed because the air around you is cooler than the nest of sheets you've created. I also felt it when I stepped out of the UB building at 9PM after my last class. My hair begins to settle when the temperature drops. Today sections of it became straight on its own accord. Amazing.

I plan to return from Sitges tomorrow night and leave for Tarragona and Monserrat the next morning, two towns north of Barcelona. Tarragona is known for its Roman ruins. (And a club inside a cave Megumi told me about! Awesome!) Monserrat is known for a monastery and jutting cliffs. I haven't really traveled since I've been in Barcelona and I'm really excited to start the excursions.

Today I went to the grocery store with Viktoriya to buy sweet things and other indulgences. Grocery stores are so much more interesting in other countries! There was half of an aisle full of spreads like Nutella, a whole aisle of olive oil, wine that's sold in cartons, puddings for 18 euro cents. Frozen churros, OMG. A whole display of different types of Garbanzo beans. OoOoOoO! The brands...and the prices...and the selections. So many cheeses! Legs of animals hung with other types of cured meats. I want to transport a Carrefour to Austin.

People eat differently here, obviously. Which explains our need to go to the store and buy candy. Dessert at my house, and many others, is a piece of fruit or maybe some yogurt or cookies. It always sounded so lame to me when I read about people not having dessert in other countries, but now I don't mind it. I still need my daily intake of sugar, I manage, but I think I'm eating less sweet stuff. The sweet meal of the day is breakfast when we drink coffee, tea or juice. We eat yogurt, cookies, a pastry, croissant or magdalenas (sweet muffins). The big meal of the day is comida, at lunch. Though sometimes when we have classes we just take a bocadillo. Then at about 6-7PM most people eat a snack. Maybe go for a café with some tapas or a pastry. Then dinner is late, around 10PM. We normally eat a big-ish meal, depending on who was home for comida. Afterwards we sit around and maybe eat fruit or a small dessert or some café or tea. We have a joke in our house about the bread...because Ana lets it get really stale. She calls them "galletas" (cookies) when the bread goes stale, maybe to entice us to keep eating it, haha. I decided to go along with it, so now we sometimes spread Nutella on stale bread and eat it for dessert. I don't know...maybe it's not a joke. I was hoping to eat healthier here and slim myself a bit. In reality, I do think I'm eating healthier, more balanced meals, but I'm not slimming. Oh well. Ana's an excellent cook.

I feel like I'm finally starting to improve my speaking skills. Megumi is often gone at meals, so it's just Ana and I. We talk through most of the meal and Ana doesn't speak any English, so I must know how to communicate to some extent. I've noticed things flowing out of my mouth a little bit more seamlessly lately. Though Ana still takes a lot of time to correct all of my mistakes. Conjugating verbs slows me down a lot when I talk. I feel more confident and hopeful when I realize that everything Ana knows of me are things I've communicated to her in another language. I don't think she understands me on the same level she would if I spoke perfect Spanish, but I've told her about so many things and we generally understand each other. And now instead of being shy to speak, I bring up topics at dinner just so I can talk. Tonight the subject was art.

I was actually asking her about the El Prado, the art museum in Madrid. I'm planning to go in a couple of weeks. I'm excited to see another part of Spain. More recently I've become interested in the modern history of Spain, like 20th century. I never learned much about Franco or the industrialization of the country in my Spanish Civ class. I bought a book yesterday called "The New Spaniards" about cultural/societal/economic/political issues in Spain in the past 100 years or so. So far I love it. I didn't realize how closed off and repressed the country was during Franco's dictatorship. I still have a lot more to read and to learn, but it's fascinating to read about such a subject while I'm living in the midst of it.

What it is and other thoughts.

Barcelona is...

-a later start to the day and the night, loving it
-constantly having filthy blackened feet
-socializing/energizing while sipping café con leche
-meeting people from all over the world
-finishing dinner between 11-12 at night
-sangria and cava
-wearing a bathing suit to class
-walking home at 5AM on streets that are 500 years old
-standing on the balcony and watching all the chumps in the plaza
-tons of mullets, rattails, dreadlocks, sandals, metallic accessories, diaper pants
-bocadillos
-the smell of sewage wafting from the street grates
-Fanta (Naranja)
-professors arriving 15 minutes late for class
-drinking in the streets
-full of tourists
-diminishing my euros
-El Corte Inglés bags all over the place
-washing the streets every night and the little BCNeta trucks
-the annoyance known as Las Ramblas
-hearing your neighbors flush the toilet, wash the dishes, have sex, etc.
-the lack of consistent water temperature in the shower
-the punctuality of the Metro, but hating that it's usually closed when you're a borrachita and need to get home
-fewer showers and less laundry
-learning 24-hour time
-lisps

Barcelona is...also causing me to struggle with my image for the first time. Like most other women I get hung up about certain things, but overall I'm okay with the way I look. Here I go out and feel too fat, too white, like my clothes aren't good enough and besides the physical stuff, I can't even talk normally! The people here are really attractive, or at least what I deem attractive. I think what's considered attractive in the U.S. is different than here, but I understand the European concept of attractiveness much more. When I'm in America, even if I feel unattractive it doesn't bother me a much because American attractiveness is kinda lame. Here it's like a double threat because besides the other women being beautiful they have a better sense of style. In the U.S. I see tons of women that are attractive but have a crappy sense of style so I'm not as phased by it. However, I am glad I have dark hair, Mediterranean eyes and a less American name. At least I can sort of disguise my American-ness when I'm on the streets. People sometimes ask me for directions, which seems good, but as soon as I open my mouth they know I'm foreign.

I am also questioning parts of my personality that have not formerly bothered me. I've met new people here who are so completely different than me. It's not at all that I want to be just like them, but I feel pressure to reexamine my extreme cynicism and distrust, especially regarding people and relationships. Is it really going to serve me well to go through life with such an outlook? I don't necessarily feel like a pessimist...I'm usually pretty happy. I question things too much, I'm judgmental, I'm not usually warm and friendly, and I don't typically go out of my way for other people unless they're important to me. Like, the day after I was robbed Megumi met me outside our apartment and was offering me gelato or dulces or coffee or anything I wanted. We settled on walking to Spar Express and she bought me paprika Pringles (good!), Pims, Fanta Limón and a KinderJoy with a little toy inside. It was so nice and thoughtful. I wondered if I would do the same for her. Obviously I would in a second, but would I have been so thoughtful in the first place? We talk a lot about our personalities and our differences and it makes me think about these things I never thought about. I suppose everyone back home just knows me as I've always been and I don't normally think about why I am the way I am. I guess many things that have happened in the past five years have made me even more cynical than I was before. I also think being involved with journalism naturally makes a person more cynical. Or perhaps cynical people are drawn to journalism. Ultimately, I don't think I'll change much. I'd like to treat people better, even if I don't know them well. Maybe that just entails being warmer with people, though I don't know if I'm capable. It just takes me more time to get close to a person. I'm also independent and like to spend time alone, so I don't always feel the need to be connected to someone else. I'm finding that some people need to be around the company of others a lot more than me. I just don't like to share too much of myself with people too quickly. I only want to be involved with people and relationships that are real.

¡La Mercé!

This past weekend was La Mercé, a huge city-wide festival to celebrate the patron saint of Barcelona. The whole city prepares for a giant party. Every important plaza (at least 10) sets up a stage and has tons of free music each day. There are also cultural events that happen like Correfoc, Xambanga de Gegants, building towers of humans and cultural dances. There are at least two huge carnivals set up in the city and fireworks every night at the beach. This goes on for four days. I was really impressed.

The first night of La Mercé I saw Sage Francis, this hip-hop man from Rhode Island. He had a good sense of humor and sang to the beat of NIN's "Closer". I don't really understand what makes hip-hop artists good or not. His lyrics kept my attention. For being so illiterate of the art...I found it to be enjoyable. Though he made a mistake when he decided to disrespect mullets. Angry Euro mullets threw beer cans at him. After the concert I split off from the group to explore with Viktoriya. We hung around in Plaça Cataluñya and got lost in a crowd of pot-smoking hippies dancing to the music coming from the stage. That quickly became annoying as a guy with an extraordinarily large backpack kept bumping me. Next we walked to Plaça Jaume I, close to my house where all of the government buildings are. There was Celtic music playing. Eh. We decided to try absinthe. I was worried but had been reassured it's not as strong as they used to make it. In reality, it tasted like horrible medicine and strung my throat almost to the point of nausea. The effect was similar to 1-2 shots of vodka. We boarded the Metro and headed to El Forum. El Forum is this huge venue/port/outdoorsy area on the far east side of the city. It seemed more youthful and rowdy than some of the other places. As soon as we came up from the Metro station I could see hundreds of people and started imagining how easily a riot could occur. At the actual place there were thousands of people. It was like a small music festival with three stages, from where I was standing it looked very much like Austin City Limits Festival because of the ridiculous crowds. In another part of El Forum there was a carnival set up and all of the rides were amplified X100 compared to the US. The ferris wheel went faster, bumper cars bumped harder, the scary rides went higher and rotated more. There were so rides I'd never seen in the US like the giant disk with about 30 people hanging on to the edges. One person would be pushed in the middle and forced to dance. Except the whole disk was shaking and spinning so hard that most people could stand up. They end up piled on top of one another in the middle. It actually looked fun.

Saturday night we went to Correfoc. This is a parade where people dressed as devils carry huge metal poles that shoot sparks in every direction. There are also monsters that shoot flame and sparks out of their mouth. There were warnings to not wear nice clothes to the event because it is possible to get burned. We joked that such a thing would never be allowed in America because of liability issues. There wasn't even a very defined parade route, the devils and monsters just made their way through the crowd. We were all screaming and trying to seek refuge under my scarf. I wasn't burned, but definitely had to run out of the way a few times.

After the parade we headed to the beach for the nightly fireworks show and were only able to see the end. On our way back to the city center we found one of the bestias from Correfoc. We quickly made friends with the devil in charge and took pictures. Then we continued our initial quest for a bocadillo. We ate and watched part of a fútbol game with some Spaniards. In our frenzy my friends forgot to pay and were scolded. We were close to the apartment so we stopped by...I can't remember why.

We left again to see what was happening at Plaça Cataluñya. It was dead because it was too late. We met more people. Guys working in a gelato store, a man with a weapon who fed my friend pastry, a group of kids from Barcelona...everyone advised us to go back to El Forum. I wasn't sure I wanted to go all the way there. Especially since my companions were more inebriated and had never been there before. I didn't want the responsibility of two other crazies, besides my crazy self, but I didn't care enough to protest. It didn't matter anyway. As soon as we arrived at El Forum we took a siesta in the grass. I kept opening my eyes because I was scared of more robbers, but all I noticed were men staring down at us. I suppose a pile of girls would usually attract attention. We later bought food: hot dog, French fries, churros and cotton candy. Churros are SO delicious. I don't know how I ate them so fast without barfing. My friends wasted money on games, made friends, wasted their money on games and won a huge stuffed sun. We had to escape the new "friends" and went to go look at the crazy rides. On the Metro ride back I somehow gave off an appearance of having strong arms. I drank some tepid Coke and wished it was colder. Then we all got home and went to bed in the morning.

By the third day of La Mercé I am losing steam. I meet with friends to see the parading giants enter the governmental plaza close to home.

I feel so glad for living so close to the action. We drink champagne in the plaza at our house. It was initially reserved for watching the sunrise at the beach, but sleep kept seeming more important. We walked to the beach for another concert. Someone started crying, someone else was mad about something. People become too emotional. I talked with Viktoriya and we decided to leave for gelato and a club in another part of town. We had the GREATEST gelato. A mix of crema catalana (like creme brulee) and hazelnut. We hopped on the Metro and it shorted out one stop away from where we were going. We walked the rest of the way to the club, KGB. It was disappointingly uncrowded, maybe because entrance was free until 3AM. After 3 it became more crowded. We danced around. Viktoriya admired the DJ! :) I spent a while talking to someone from Barcelona, always trying to get advice about the city and make friends who aren't American. I got home by 6AM and stayed up too late connecting with a piece of home via AIM. At the time I started to fall asleep, just before 9AM, I heard parades starting for the last day of La Mercé. Luckily my exhaustion enabled me to pass out with ease. I slept too late and missed meeting Viktoriya at 11:30AM for the tower of humans. I'd really wanted to see it, but could not manage to get out of bed. I slept until the afternoon, lazed around and eventually went out with Megumi for a bocadillo. It was so amazing! Spanish tortilla with potatoes on a baguette! I don't think I'll ever eat sandwiches in the same way again once I go back home. That night we went to Plaça de Españya for the final fireworks show. They were some of the best fireworks I've ever seen in my life! Types of fireworks I've never known before to really good music. All American music, strangely enough. That night I stayed at home for sleep. Though I couldn't because I'd become accustomed to falling asleep in the early morning. Megumi and I stayed up and raided the bare kitchen and watched people from the balcony. We fell asleep to the sounds of Anna yelling at the horrible neighbor upstairs because of his blasting music at 3AM.

The Robbery

I got robbed two nights ago.

Here's the story:

I was walking to my friend's residencia, which is a good 15-20 minutes away from the apartment on foot. I have to walk through my neighborhood (Gothic Quarter) and the one next to us (El Born) then through a park and then into the area where the building is. It was about 10:30-11PM. I was in El Born, which is a relatively nice area. I wasn't walking on the main street, rather two or three streets to the left of it. (I was told later it wasn't exactly El Born where I was.) The streets were not crowded, there were groups of people standing around. It was a predominately Muslim/Arab area based on the businesses and people I saw around me. I was getting closer to a plaza and I passed a group of kids younger than me. I didn't really have a bad feeling about the area, but regardless, I was walking rapidly. I always try to walk quickly to make it look like I know where I'm going. I don't ever want it to appear like I'm wandering. As I'm approaching the plaza I can sense someone walking too closely behind me. I assume they're about to pass me but they don't. I turn to look over my shoulder and see a boy, maybe 15 years, wearing a black shirt. I turn back around and keep walking. Suddenly I hear feet taking off, like for a race and before I know it someone is violently snatching the purse from my hand. Ahead of me there is a plaza if I veer to the right and another narrow street if I veer to the left. I look up after them and see them running down the narrow street. Them. It's now two boys. The black shirt, who stole my purse, and some sort of accomplice in a red shirt. I begin to take off after them but instead scream, "HEEEEYYYYYYYYYYY!" as loud as I can. They are long gone. There are people walking towards me coming from the plaza. I stop a woman and tell her I was just robbed and she sort of shrugs and continues on.

I think I kept walking in a sort of daze for a few minutes. So many things were running through my head. Do I call police? Do I turn around and go home? What exactly did I just lose? Am I safe here? Everything was contradicting. I wanted to continue to see my friends but I didn't have a phone to call them anymore. I wanted to get on the Metro instead of walking because I felt in danger but I had no money. I decided within minutes that I WOULD keep walking to the residencia despite the fact that I didn't know which building my friends lived in or have their room number or have access in through the door. The place the residencia is located is also a little sketch at night. But I didn't want to go home! That would be some kind of lame surrender. As I continued walking I wondered why I was targeted. I don't obviously look or dress like an American. I was wearing a fitted black dress, a lacy black scarf, black sandals and bright red lipstick. I was walking with my head up, quickly. Maybe they thought I looked too formal for that part of town, so I would have money on me. So wrong. As I walked I made a list in my head of what was taken.

-cellphone
-debit card
-int'l student ID
-T-10 pass for the Metro
-23 euros
-house keys
-a keychain from Italy (gift from dad)
-red lip gloss (gift from Jihae)
-my little red Coach purse (gift from Crissy)

The last three things seem so unimportant, but I think I'll miss them the most. Everything else is just utilitarian and necessary.

So I finally got the area of the residencia but I have no idea which building I am supposed to go into and nothing looks like it could be right. I eventually walked into an Asian restaurant and tried to explain to them what happened and if they knew which building housed students. No idea. I went back to the street, which, at this point were starting to seem scary. I found a girl that looked American and asked if she spoke English. Success, she was from the UK. I explained the situation and she agreed to walk around with me to look for the building. With her, I found it! I snuck in through the open door and marched up to the counter. I told the man I had just been robbed and I needed to know the room number for my friends. He told me. I found them and told them why I was so late. They were so nice and sympathetic. I got online and canceled my debit card and phone and emailed my mom. Then I tried to get a hold of Megumi so I would have a way in to my house at the end of the night. She was also SO kind and agreed to meet me at home whenever I wanted.

Because of the rough start I really wanted to have a fun night. I ingested and indulged a bit and we headed out. It was strange not having anything with me, but comforting to know I couldn't be robbed again. We were trying to find an Erasmus party at this club. (Erasmus is like study abroad for European students or something.) After laughing and walking our way around for many minutes we finally found the correct club off Diagonal. We were in the mood to dance but the music was all un-danceable 90s trash. My friend asked the DJ what was coming next and he told us Daft Punk. With excitement we waited and waited but it never came. In the meantime I talked to a Barcelonian (?) who recommended some places we might like better. Fed up with the music, we left. Piled in a cab. We rounded a corner and I lifted my head. Something felt so dizzy and sickly in the pit of my stomach. I worried and tried to look down.

We stopped at some clubs at the waterfront. Got a free drink (nasty sweet) at one club, left to go to the better one next door. We finally danced! First with one of my friends, protecting each other from men who would try to butt in. Then I danced out of control with these Danish guys. They spun me so much I almost had to tell them to stop because I was going to barf. It seemed so much room had been cleared on the floor for our antics. The party at that place stopped at 3:30. My other friend had met some "British boys" on one of the little podiums for dancing. She insisted we follow them. There were three of us, and me and the other one were getting tired but we went along anyway. There is a common problem in Barcelona...it's that the Metro closes from 2-5AM on certain nights, so we were trying to stay out till it opened again. We walked around along the waterfront passing multiple clubs that all seemed lame on a Wednesday night at 4AM. At 4:30 we decided to walk back to the residencia despite my one friend's wishes to stay with her "British boy". We were going to wait on the couches downstairs at the residencia for a few minutes till the Metro opened. I was the first to pass out on the couch, and soon after the other two did. We all woke up nearly two hours later. Two of us left to go home on the Metro, my other friend went back to her room. I got home and Megumi met me outside our building with a huge hug. We walked up together and I fell asleep again, unsure if I would wake up in time for my class, since I had no source of alarm clock anymore. I didn't care. Luckily I woke up in time the next morning. Unluckily I felt like crap.

Overall, it's horrible I got robbed but I can be glad about two things. First, glad I didn't have anything really valuable on me. I could have been carrying my iPod or camera. Those punk asses only really got a cheap cell phone that won't work, 23 euros and three rides on the Metro. Nothing else would have been of value to them unless they tried to sell the purse. Second, I know what to be suspicious of now. I really didn't think I'd be robbed here. I thought it would happen to confused looking tourist types who weren't paying attention. I thought theft was mostly like pickpockets in crowded areas or people who play tricks on Americans, like thought out distractions with a theft. I never thought I'd be robbed out in the open with someone taking my WHOLE purse right from my hands. I mean, I was holding it by my side, it was even around my wrist and they just yanked it right off. I do regret that now I feel much more paranoid when I'm walking around. I wasn't scared right after it happened, I feel more scared now that it could somehow happen again. I didn't lose too much except having to pay $150 to replace the shittiest cellphone ever.

Anyway, that's the story of the robbery. I think I want to sew pockets on the insides of my underwear and store everything else in my bra. I can't let it happen again.

Right now it's Friday night, the beginning of La Mercé, one of the biggest festivals in Barcelona. I can hear the parades outside, the music playing and the crowds waiting.