Up in the air.

Today I was in the shower thinking about how much I love it here. I've talked to a few people who seem to think there's no reason why I couldn't just come back after I graduate. People in other parts of the world seem to pick up and leave their countries like it's nothing. I ask..."What about getting a job? What about a visa? What about money?" The answer is universally: you just get a job, start working, meeting people and you're okay. I don't know if I could do something like that, I'm too focused on exactly what I want, but would it be so bad to change my plans? Barcelona (and Europe) is messing with my head. It's seducing me in this disgusting way that makes me want to give everything up to stay here forever. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm here in fantasyland as a student without any responsibilities. If I were here as an adult with a job it would be so much different. My original point, I was in the shower thinking about how I could get over here more legitimately after graduation. I want to start considering jobs in documentary production. I want to see the world. It's so much more important than murders, house fires and car accidents. My host mom went on a fifteen minute tirade this morning about how horrible TV is. How it's making people imbeciles. I've known for awhile, and I only noticed more this summer, that I'm different than a lot of the people in the business. It's not to say I can't get along with them or that they're bad people; I'm just different. I can identify with the competitiveness, the bottom line-ness, the importance of deadlines, the love of current events. However, I can't relate to being fake with people to get what you want from them. I can't relate to annoying people who shouldn't be bothered. I feel like two things could happen if I get a job in broadcasting after graduation: I can either use my different-ness to my advantage and pass up all of the chumps on my way to the top. My other option is that I'll have to give it up if I can't fit in enough to do well in the business. I can't conform...to be the perky, cute reporter they might want me to be. I feel like I'll either do really well or really fail. If I start to fail I'm going straight to documentaries. In Europe. I might just do it anyway.

I realized I haven't driven a car in two months. I think I'll be really scared to drive when I get back. Here driving is such a procedure, it seems so difficult. I can't say I miss it at all. Though I'd still love to ride a moto around for a day.

Regretfully, we missed the sunrise again this morning. Instead I got a lovely view of the city from the top of someone's terrazza a few hours before the sunrise. I could see my building right down the street and the window of Santa Maria del Pi. Barcelona is so beautiful.

Tonight is the soccer game! WOOOOOO FCB!