What it is and other thoughts.

Barcelona is...

-a later start to the day and the night, loving it
-constantly having filthy blackened feet
-socializing/energizing while sipping café con leche
-meeting people from all over the world
-finishing dinner between 11-12 at night
-sangria and cava
-wearing a bathing suit to class
-walking home at 5AM on streets that are 500 years old
-standing on the balcony and watching all the chumps in the plaza
-tons of mullets, rattails, dreadlocks, sandals, metallic accessories, diaper pants
-bocadillos
-the smell of sewage wafting from the street grates
-Fanta (Naranja)
-professors arriving 15 minutes late for class
-drinking in the streets
-full of tourists
-diminishing my euros
-El Corte Inglés bags all over the place
-washing the streets every night and the little BCNeta trucks
-the annoyance known as Las Ramblas
-hearing your neighbors flush the toilet, wash the dishes, have sex, etc.
-the lack of consistent water temperature in the shower
-the punctuality of the Metro, but hating that it's usually closed when you're a borrachita and need to get home
-fewer showers and less laundry
-learning 24-hour time
-lisps

Barcelona is...also causing me to struggle with my image for the first time. Like most other women I get hung up about certain things, but overall I'm okay with the way I look. Here I go out and feel too fat, too white, like my clothes aren't good enough and besides the physical stuff, I can't even talk normally! The people here are really attractive, or at least what I deem attractive. I think what's considered attractive in the U.S. is different than here, but I understand the European concept of attractiveness much more. When I'm in America, even if I feel unattractive it doesn't bother me a much because American attractiveness is kinda lame. Here it's like a double threat because besides the other women being beautiful they have a better sense of style. In the U.S. I see tons of women that are attractive but have a crappy sense of style so I'm not as phased by it. However, I am glad I have dark hair, Mediterranean eyes and a less American name. At least I can sort of disguise my American-ness when I'm on the streets. People sometimes ask me for directions, which seems good, but as soon as I open my mouth they know I'm foreign.

I am also questioning parts of my personality that have not formerly bothered me. I've met new people here who are so completely different than me. It's not at all that I want to be just like them, but I feel pressure to reexamine my extreme cynicism and distrust, especially regarding people and relationships. Is it really going to serve me well to go through life with such an outlook? I don't necessarily feel like a pessimist...I'm usually pretty happy. I question things too much, I'm judgmental, I'm not usually warm and friendly, and I don't typically go out of my way for other people unless they're important to me. Like, the day after I was robbed Megumi met me outside our apartment and was offering me gelato or dulces or coffee or anything I wanted. We settled on walking to Spar Express and she bought me paprika Pringles (good!), Pims, Fanta Limón and a KinderJoy with a little toy inside. It was so nice and thoughtful. I wondered if I would do the same for her. Obviously I would in a second, but would I have been so thoughtful in the first place? We talk a lot about our personalities and our differences and it makes me think about these things I never thought about. I suppose everyone back home just knows me as I've always been and I don't normally think about why I am the way I am. I guess many things that have happened in the past five years have made me even more cynical than I was before. I also think being involved with journalism naturally makes a person more cynical. Or perhaps cynical people are drawn to journalism. Ultimately, I don't think I'll change much. I'd like to treat people better, even if I don't know them well. Maybe that just entails being warmer with people, though I don't know if I'm capable. It just takes me more time to get close to a person. I'm also independent and like to spend time alone, so I don't always feel the need to be connected to someone else. I'm finding that some people need to be around the company of others a lot more than me. I just don't like to share too much of myself with people too quickly. I only want to be involved with people and relationships that are real.