Today was good. It wasn't a marvelous/excellent/superb day or anything. But it definitely wasn't bad. It's the kind of day I like because it's just normal and productive and pretty. Maybe with some extra perks along the way.
Today's perks included:
-Finally deciding on some names for my hamsters. Herpetron and Cupid. Herpetron is the bigger one who has a gnawed area on her butt from their fights. The name Herpetron came from a pet directory. Some crazy person actually named their business this. I'm stealing the name because it's funny...like a robot with herpes. Or a hamster with a chewed butt. Cupid is the smaller one. There was an allusion to "Cupido" today in one of the poems we read in HispAmn Lit class. I liked it. The hamster's kinda small and round and cute. I can imagine it flying around with a bow and arrow pretty easily. Cupid fits. Except I guess Cupid is a male name, but that hasn't stopped me in the past.
-I cooked good food! It was tasty and I did it myself. I made a pot of pinto/black beans and added slight meat for flavor and spices. I heated up some tortillas and put on some Mexican cheese blend and avocado. Then I added the beans. I liked it. I ate three. I hadn't eaten since my bowl of cereal at breakfast. It was filling. I think I'm done eating for the day. How simple.
-I had a good hair day. My physician asked if it was natural. She said the "Chinese ladies" were talking about a new type of perm that would make her hair look like mine, haha. I told her on humid days no one would wish to have my hair. But today it was nice. :)
-I ran into a friend who decided to sit in on my enviro seminar class. The good part was seeing her after being gone for so long. The bad part (not a perk of my day) was the guest speaker we had in the class. It was a high power official at UT who we had both dealt with in the past through the Environmental Center. The topic of her talk was Campus Sustainability. I worked on getting a sustainability policy passed and task force established for three years, along with other students involved in this committee of the CEC, my friend Lucia included. We helped write the policy. In her speech, this official never even mentioned students. All of the work we did to get this happening at UT was glossed over. She talked about the policy that SHE was drafting with HER colleagues. It's pretty much the same thing we'd already given to them when they would barely listen to us. Now they're flaunting it like it's their own. I probably shouldn't shoot my mouth off too much since I've been gone for a semester and am not totally up to speed, but her talk was irritating in more than a few ways. Again, not a perk, but at least I had someone there who could share my frustrations.
I feel like I am rejecting environmental stuff more and more...I'm not even sure why. It just bugs me in a nostalgic way. But also in a depressing way because I know "environmentalists" have an annoying image and that it's so hard to make people care about certain stuff. Especially when it's long term. Despite it all I want to go CAMPING. It's been so long. My tent is in the closet crying.
keep all your crows away
hold skinny wolves at bay
in silver piles of smiles
may all your days be gold my child
.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
gene rally
I miss Spain right now. I don't know what else to say except that I need to go back. Whenever I start looking at pictures from Europe I feel so happy. Everyone said studying abroad would be "such an amazing experience" blah blah blah, but it really was for me. Every specific trip, every person, every taste, smell and feeling are so pronounced in my mind. It's like amplified memories. It's not that I even try to compare one place versus the other because it's unfair. Spain and Texas are too different. I just remember what I had and how it was and I know I'll never have it again. Even if I were to return to Barcelona for a trip, I'd just be another visitor. I want to live there. I liked Europe because it was challenging to me. Living here mostly seems routine. I understand most things. I guess it's more convenient for the type of life I have right now.
Anyway. I'm trying to do the best I can for myself. I was accepted to the final round for the NYC internship this summer. If I can live in NYC for a couple of months it'll at least be closer to what I had in Europe. I just want to live somewhere huge and overwhelming. I want to be another body moving along on the streets. I want to live in a tiny space where I can hear the city around me. I don't want to need a car. I want to dance at clubs with good music and late hours. I want to live in a city that people write books and songs about. I want a two month taste of NYC. I'll know within the next month whether I'm going.
Of course Austin still has its perks. It's comfortable and stable here. I am starting to like where I live more now that it's not freezing every night. I have a pretty view from the windows next to my bed. I like driving around in my neighborhood. There are so many trees and cute houses. I feel more like a grown-up. There's not a rowdy frat house outside my bedroom window anymore. Although I still get my dosage of those idiots since I still frequent my old apartment complex and can hear their antics outside. I have once again found some type of stability in my personal life. It had been a productive couple of years of dating. I met some interesting people and learned some lessons. I still have no idea what I want since there's been such a variety. However, I know I'm happy with what I have now. It feels easy and normal, but it's still really fun and exciting. The end of my old relationship became so agonizing and intense at times I think I totally wanted to reject them for awhile. Then my pseudo-relationship last year became so illegitimate and confusing I got aggravated that I didn't seem worthy enough of someone's commitment. Then finally something normal happened, but not something so normal that I'm left bored.
Anyway. I'm trying to do the best I can for myself. I was accepted to the final round for the NYC internship this summer. If I can live in NYC for a couple of months it'll at least be closer to what I had in Europe. I just want to live somewhere huge and overwhelming. I want to be another body moving along on the streets. I want to live in a tiny space where I can hear the city around me. I don't want to need a car. I want to dance at clubs with good music and late hours. I want to live in a city that people write books and songs about. I want a two month taste of NYC. I'll know within the next month whether I'm going.
Of course Austin still has its perks. It's comfortable and stable here. I am starting to like where I live more now that it's not freezing every night. I have a pretty view from the windows next to my bed. I like driving around in my neighborhood. There are so many trees and cute houses. I feel more like a grown-up. There's not a rowdy frat house outside my bedroom window anymore. Although I still get my dosage of those idiots since I still frequent my old apartment complex and can hear their antics outside. I have once again found some type of stability in my personal life. It had been a productive couple of years of dating. I met some interesting people and learned some lessons. I still have no idea what I want since there's been such a variety. However, I know I'm happy with what I have now. It feels easy and normal, but it's still really fun and exciting. The end of my old relationship became so agonizing and intense at times I think I totally wanted to reject them for awhile. Then my pseudo-relationship last year became so illegitimate and confusing I got aggravated that I didn't seem worthy enough of someone's commitment. Then finally something normal happened, but not something so normal that I'm left bored.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
sometimes
this is totally random and uncalled for. especially at this time when i should not be doing anything else besides reading and analyzing poetry for my Spanish class. but sometimes i really wish i was an artist. sometimes i think about what would really make me happy...what i would want to do all day long, every day. i want to create stuff. or fix stuff up. i like working with my hands sometimes. and sometimes i want to be left alone--i don't want to talk to people. sometimes i wonder what could have happened if i'd tried to develop an artistic skill. i think there was some potential. it may have all dried up by now. i have fantasies of quitting everything i know and doing something totally new.
back to the horrible poems. sorry gabriela mistral...but i just don't get you.
back to the horrible poems. sorry gabriela mistral...but i just don't get you.
Monday, January 21, 2008
stressness
It turns out my room definitely has leaks in it. It's not even that I care that there's a huge puddle on the floor. It's the incessant dripping noise. Rain, rain. Usually I like it, but only when I can stay inside all day and lay around. Today that wasn't a possibility. I had to get up and go to my internship. Things at KXAN are already tons better than they were at Fox. Apparently my reputation there was even more ruined than I'd thought when I left. It seems like most people should be allowed just one honest mistake in their life without a whole news department turning against them. What happened there hurt my feelings. I don't think I could ever go back for any reason knowing what was said about me. I am trying to be good at KXAN. If I screw up this internship at all I might reconsider things.
Today I went out on a story about the superintendent of a nearby school district resigning. It seems especially shady what's going on. There is information missing because right now no one knows why this guy resigned. He seemed perfectly nice. The people on the school board wouldn't talk about anything and their decision was made without any input from the community. Also, I was reading through the stories in our news program and I came across something about a girl who'd been shot on her dad's ranch. She was the granddaughter of one of the governors of Texas from the 60s/70s. The girl's last name immediately struck me as familiar, but I didn't think much of it because it doesn't seem so uncommon. Later this afternoon the station was receiving a story from an affiliate station about the death. They put up the girl's picture and I realized it was, in fact, the girl I thought it could be. She worked at the campus TV station. I didn't know her well but I'd seen her around. There are still a lot of unanswered questions because it was not released who she was with when it happened or any other details. I feel so bad for her family and friends.
Right now I should be sleeping or preparing for my presentation tomorrow at 9:30AM. I am panicky because the presentation is for the whole class period, in Spanish. Luckily I work with two other people who are native speakers. I am dreading it. My professor is difficult and has no qualms about embarrassing imperfect speakers in front of the whole class. There are three classes in a row tomorrow for me! I think I might have to come home and sleep all afternoon.
I am starting to wish I could cook. I've been eating soup almost every night. Salads during the day. I feel full in a lame way. Last night Andrew cooked eggs when we got home from our downtown adventure. They were so good. I don't know if it's because I had a drunken hunger or what. I'm pretty sure they were legitimately good. I was thinking about them all day. Anyway, I got home tonight and ate garbanzo beans. I think they are the best food that can come from a can. I put hot sauce on them...because I'm gross. It tasted too briny. I'm going to invent a dish with eggs, garbanzos and avocados. Maybe with hot sauce, too.
Today I went out on a story about the superintendent of a nearby school district resigning. It seems especially shady what's going on. There is information missing because right now no one knows why this guy resigned. He seemed perfectly nice. The people on the school board wouldn't talk about anything and their decision was made without any input from the community. Also, I was reading through the stories in our news program and I came across something about a girl who'd been shot on her dad's ranch. She was the granddaughter of one of the governors of Texas from the 60s/70s. The girl's last name immediately struck me as familiar, but I didn't think much of it because it doesn't seem so uncommon. Later this afternoon the station was receiving a story from an affiliate station about the death. They put up the girl's picture and I realized it was, in fact, the girl I thought it could be. She worked at the campus TV station. I didn't know her well but I'd seen her around. There are still a lot of unanswered questions because it was not released who she was with when it happened or any other details. I feel so bad for her family and friends.
Right now I should be sleeping or preparing for my presentation tomorrow at 9:30AM. I am panicky because the presentation is for the whole class period, in Spanish. Luckily I work with two other people who are native speakers. I am dreading it. My professor is difficult and has no qualms about embarrassing imperfect speakers in front of the whole class. There are three classes in a row tomorrow for me! I think I might have to come home and sleep all afternoon.
I am starting to wish I could cook. I've been eating soup almost every night. Salads during the day. I feel full in a lame way. Last night Andrew cooked eggs when we got home from our downtown adventure. They were so good. I don't know if it's because I had a drunken hunger or what. I'm pretty sure they were legitimately good. I was thinking about them all day. Anyway, I got home tonight and ate garbanzo beans. I think they are the best food that can come from a can. I put hot sauce on them...because I'm gross. It tasted too briny. I'm going to invent a dish with eggs, garbanzos and avocados. Maybe with hot sauce, too.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
I'm starting a new internship tomorrow. On that note...
Tonight I was reading for Theories of Persuasion (I got in!) and came across some words that aptly express how I feel, more or less, about broadcast news.
"Recent studies suggest that when those in charge of news programming decide which news events to cover and which fraction of the miles of daily videotape to present to the public, they make their decisions, at least in part, on the basis of the entertainment value of their material. Film footage of a flooded metropolis has much more entertainment value than footage of a dam built to prevent such flooding: It is simply not very exciting to see a dam holding back a flood. And yet, the dam may be more important news."
"Such coverage does not present a balanced picture of what is happening in the nation or the world, not because the people who run the news media are evil and trying to manipulate us but simply because they are trying to entertain us."
*Selection from E. Aronson, The social animal (9th Ed)
Is it so wrong that broadcast news is a business? It IS meant to make money. Unfortunately that leaves many stations pandering to the least common denominator...but is it really the least common denominator? Who wants to watch still video of a dam? One of the biggest rules of broadcast is that you usually need to keep the pictures moving, less than five seconds per shot. No signs, no buildings, no dams...for the most part. If a station made a newscast that somehow mirrored a credible newspaper (NY Times, Washington Post, WSJ, etc.) it would probably boring. Lack of video could leave anchors at the desk reading for minutes on end. Other stories wouldn't even be possible because there is no video to show for it. It's so easy for people to criticize broadcast news for being stupid, but what are the solutions? I would really love to know. I want to find an example of a "smart" newscast and then see how many viewers it had and if it'd even be sustainable. If no one watches it, advertisers won't buy commercials and it'd be over so fast. Money beats intellect every day. Maybe broadcast is simply a dying medium. People still watch TV, video is not dying, maybe it'll just be newscasts on the internet.
Thinking, thinking.
Yesterday's problems are already over. I got my schedule figured out and it's good. Our clogged toilet is fixed. And I don't have to steal random linksys internet. I get so grumpy without internet access. It's probably an addiction. The lack of heat in our old house problem is also better. If I stay in my room for hours with the electric heater blowing I can make it 71 degrees. Awesome!
Tomorrow I have 4.5 hours of class and then 8 hours of internship without a break. At this moment I have less time to sleep than I will spend at my internship. And on that note...good night.
"Recent studies suggest that when those in charge of news programming decide which news events to cover and which fraction of the miles of daily videotape to present to the public, they make their decisions, at least in part, on the basis of the entertainment value of their material. Film footage of a flooded metropolis has much more entertainment value than footage of a dam built to prevent such flooding: It is simply not very exciting to see a dam holding back a flood. And yet, the dam may be more important news."
"Such coverage does not present a balanced picture of what is happening in the nation or the world, not because the people who run the news media are evil and trying to manipulate us but simply because they are trying to entertain us."
*Selection from E. Aronson, The social animal (9th Ed)
Is it so wrong that broadcast news is a business? It IS meant to make money. Unfortunately that leaves many stations pandering to the least common denominator...but is it really the least common denominator? Who wants to watch still video of a dam? One of the biggest rules of broadcast is that you usually need to keep the pictures moving, less than five seconds per shot. No signs, no buildings, no dams...for the most part. If a station made a newscast that somehow mirrored a credible newspaper (NY Times, Washington Post, WSJ, etc.) it would probably boring. Lack of video could leave anchors at the desk reading for minutes on end. Other stories wouldn't even be possible because there is no video to show for it. It's so easy for people to criticize broadcast news for being stupid, but what are the solutions? I would really love to know. I want to find an example of a "smart" newscast and then see how many viewers it had and if it'd even be sustainable. If no one watches it, advertisers won't buy commercials and it'd be over so fast. Money beats intellect every day. Maybe broadcast is simply a dying medium. People still watch TV, video is not dying, maybe it'll just be newscasts on the internet.
Thinking, thinking.
Yesterday's problems are already over. I got my schedule figured out and it's good. Our clogged toilet is fixed. And I don't have to steal random linksys internet. I get so grumpy without internet access. It's probably an addiction. The lack of heat in our old house problem is also better. If I stay in my room for hours with the electric heater blowing I can make it 71 degrees. Awesome!
Tomorrow I have 4.5 hours of class and then 8 hours of internship without a break. At this moment I have less time to sleep than I will spend at my internship. And on that note...good night.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
cold house/cute hamsters
Initially the transition from being in Spain to being in Texas was easy...I think it was because I had so many distractions at first. Now that school's started and I feel myself starting to sink into some sort of insignificant despair. It's that my classes are messed up and I'm not used to where I live. I run the risk of being in a boring class with 12 books on the reading list unless I can move up one spot on a waitlist for another class before Thursday. Everything at my house is fine, mostly. We have a horrible (and nasty) toilet clog problem that can only be remedied by a plumber. Besides that I'm cold because there's no heat and it's cold in Texas again. And our internet is not stable since I'm stealing until we get the proper wireless equipment. Besides the temporary stuff, I'm having trouble getting used to living like this. I think the sheer size of this place is hard for me to handle. I don't feel scared when I'm alone at the house, I just feel distant from everything else. My room is tucked away in the attic. I've decorated and turned it into my space, but then it leaves me very little incentive to use the rest of the house. Just going to the kitchen to cook dinner feels like I'm traveling to another country. I want to utilize the space here better but I don't feel like I need it. I've also started to figure out my routes to school and where exactly this house is located in relation to everything else I know around here. Walking to campus isn't bad at all with some shortcuts. I just feel really isolated from the hum of the semi-city that makes up the radius around UT. Although I lived alone in my apartment last year I could always hear people walking around, cars driving by, buses, neighbors and I was close to many of my friends. Living over here I'm in a random house on a quiet street. I suppose it's my heart beating for something more urban.
My new pets are making life much cuter. Before I left Houston I went to get Olive to load him into the car for the trip to Austin. I immediately noticed blood sprayed all over his cage. I ran over not knowing what to expect. I thought maybe his foot would be gnawed off. It wasn't and there weren't any obvious signs of injury. I still don't know what happened to him, but it left blood all over the cage...on every glass wall, on his food bowl and everywhere else, except him. He was already messed up from a stroke, so I left him in Houston with my mom to spare him the ride to Austin. I thought he wouldn't make it--though apparently he's doing okay in Houston. Yesterday I adopted two Robo hamsters. I was very opposed to hamsters my whole life, but these ones are smaller and adorable. I am trying to make them more tame because they're really skittish and they dart around at rapid speeds. I think (hope) they're two girls. I haven't decided on names. Right now they're running in their little wheel together. Everything they do is SO cute.
Maybe I'll put up some pictures if I can ever capture them on camera.
My new pets are making life much cuter. Before I left Houston I went to get Olive to load him into the car for the trip to Austin. I immediately noticed blood sprayed all over his cage. I ran over not knowing what to expect. I thought maybe his foot would be gnawed off. It wasn't and there weren't any obvious signs of injury. I still don't know what happened to him, but it left blood all over the cage...on every glass wall, on his food bowl and everywhere else, except him. He was already messed up from a stroke, so I left him in Houston with my mom to spare him the ride to Austin. I thought he wouldn't make it--though apparently he's doing okay in Houston. Yesterday I adopted two Robo hamsters. I was very opposed to hamsters my whole life, but these ones are smaller and adorable. I am trying to make them more tame because they're really skittish and they dart around at rapid speeds. I think (hope) they're two girls. I haven't decided on names. Right now they're running in their little wheel together. Everything they do is SO cute.
Maybe I'll put up some pictures if I can ever capture them on camera.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Insomniation
I cannot sleep.
The past two nights have been too difficult. It's almost 4AM and I'm wide awake.
I got so bored I started walking around my room and lugged my high school yearbooks to bed. I was flipping through the pages, laughing out loud. I guess it's been long enough to start to see what people end up doing...or what direction they're headed in. It's interesting to see who you still know and who only lives on in your mind when you see their face in a yearbook. I'm so glad I left that world behind though. I was ready for college at least a year before I went.
Tomorrow (today) I return to Austin. Houston's been productive and boring. Austin will be unproductive and fun. At least until classes start. Actually, Houston was wholesome. Today my mom cooked me a nice meal of salmon with pineapple salsa for lunch. Then tonight I went to my dad's and he cooked a pork roast with vegetables and rice. I don't know how my parents are both such amazing cooks and I seem culinarily dysfunctional. Besides the good food, my family is generally good company. Chatting with my mom or joking around with my sister and dad...it's wholesome. :) Everyone in my family seems really happy for once. Before my parents divorced there were always arguments and complications and problems. Now it's easy--happy. I wish my parents and sister would just live in Austin so I could see them more.
This semester of school may be my last. On one hand I feel ready to get out of Texas and take on the world, but on the other hand, it's a little scary. It's so hard to believe the time is coming when I'll be "cut off". Part of me wants to stick around in Austin for a little bit longer, especially after being away for a semester. I'll try to make the most of whatever time I have. It's funny that during my last semester, when registration should be so easy because I'm a senior, it's actually the most difficult. I can't get my stupid schedule figured out. I need another elective class and there's potential for four:
-Unbelief in America, a history class about atheism, agnosticism, free thinkers, etc
-Mexican Identity (more or less), a Mex Amn studies class
-Election Campaigns, a government class, hopefully about the upcoming elections
-Theories of Persuasion, a Comm Studies class about...not sure...it was recommended to me
Right now I'm on a waitlist for Theories of Persuasion. I am enrolled in the elections class, but they changed the meeting time so I have to drop it. I think I am going to try to get into Unbelief because it sounds like the best. With luck it won't be closed by the time I register tomorrow. UT is such a pain in the ass with this stuff. And I'm a huge nerd because I just wrote about all this. It's my only free elective ever (almost)! It's a big deal!
Last night I saw "I'm Not There" about Bob Dylan's life. It actually confused my sister and I more than anything. I thought it was supposed to be six actors portraying Dylan throughout his life, chronologically or something. Instead it was more like six actors portraying what Dylan's life represented in a really abstract way. One of the characters in the movie is a young black kid who rides trains around the country while playing his acoustic guitar. My sister turns to me and asks, "Is that supposed to be Bob Dylan?" The character that most seemed to represent the Bob Dylan I am familiar with was Cate Blanchett's Bob Dylan.
By mmerola626
This woman is fabulous. She portrayed Dylan better than any of the men. She was largely the reason I wanted to see the movie and she made it worth my time. Only criticism: her nails should have been cut. I kept noticing her hands looking like lady hands and it distracted me. Unless, of course, Bob Dylan had lady hands. I'm still not sure exactly what I think of the movie. I have a feeling it's the kind of movie I need to think about and discuss a little bit more and then watch again. I think dismissing it would be unfair at this point. It did drag on at the end. Charlotte Gainsbourg was also marvelous. Her acting seemed effortless to me. And I think she's completely beautiful. I love her voice. I have such a girl crush on her. :)
My tongue still hurts because I ate too many Gobstoppers in the movie. I think I've candied myself out for awhile.
Now it's after 4AM and I'm still not tired but I'm going to force myself to lay down because I have to drive back to Austin tomorrow. Excited. Not about the driving though.
The past two nights have been too difficult. It's almost 4AM and I'm wide awake.
I got so bored I started walking around my room and lugged my high school yearbooks to bed. I was flipping through the pages, laughing out loud. I guess it's been long enough to start to see what people end up doing...or what direction they're headed in. It's interesting to see who you still know and who only lives on in your mind when you see their face in a yearbook. I'm so glad I left that world behind though. I was ready for college at least a year before I went.
Tomorrow (today) I return to Austin. Houston's been productive and boring. Austin will be unproductive and fun. At least until classes start. Actually, Houston was wholesome. Today my mom cooked me a nice meal of salmon with pineapple salsa for lunch. Then tonight I went to my dad's and he cooked a pork roast with vegetables and rice. I don't know how my parents are both such amazing cooks and I seem culinarily dysfunctional. Besides the good food, my family is generally good company. Chatting with my mom or joking around with my sister and dad...it's wholesome. :) Everyone in my family seems really happy for once. Before my parents divorced there were always arguments and complications and problems. Now it's easy--happy. I wish my parents and sister would just live in Austin so I could see them more.
This semester of school may be my last. On one hand I feel ready to get out of Texas and take on the world, but on the other hand, it's a little scary. It's so hard to believe the time is coming when I'll be "cut off". Part of me wants to stick around in Austin for a little bit longer, especially after being away for a semester. I'll try to make the most of whatever time I have. It's funny that during my last semester, when registration should be so easy because I'm a senior, it's actually the most difficult. I can't get my stupid schedule figured out. I need another elective class and there's potential for four:
-Unbelief in America, a history class about atheism, agnosticism, free thinkers, etc
-Mexican Identity (more or less), a Mex Amn studies class
-Election Campaigns, a government class, hopefully about the upcoming elections
-Theories of Persuasion, a Comm Studies class about...not sure...it was recommended to me
Right now I'm on a waitlist for Theories of Persuasion. I am enrolled in the elections class, but they changed the meeting time so I have to drop it. I think I am going to try to get into Unbelief because it sounds like the best. With luck it won't be closed by the time I register tomorrow. UT is such a pain in the ass with this stuff. And I'm a huge nerd because I just wrote about all this. It's my only free elective ever (almost)! It's a big deal!
Last night I saw "I'm Not There" about Bob Dylan's life. It actually confused my sister and I more than anything. I thought it was supposed to be six actors portraying Dylan throughout his life, chronologically or something. Instead it was more like six actors portraying what Dylan's life represented in a really abstract way. One of the characters in the movie is a young black kid who rides trains around the country while playing his acoustic guitar. My sister turns to me and asks, "Is that supposed to be Bob Dylan?" The character that most seemed to represent the Bob Dylan I am familiar with was Cate Blanchett's Bob Dylan.
By mmerola626
This woman is fabulous. She portrayed Dylan better than any of the men. She was largely the reason I wanted to see the movie and she made it worth my time. Only criticism: her nails should have been cut. I kept noticing her hands looking like lady hands and it distracted me. Unless, of course, Bob Dylan had lady hands. I'm still not sure exactly what I think of the movie. I have a feeling it's the kind of movie I need to think about and discuss a little bit more and then watch again. I think dismissing it would be unfair at this point. It did drag on at the end. Charlotte Gainsbourg was also marvelous. Her acting seemed effortless to me. And I think she's completely beautiful. I love her voice. I have such a girl crush on her. :)
My tongue still hurts because I ate too many Gobstoppers in the movie. I think I've candied myself out for awhile.
Now it's after 4AM and I'm still not tired but I'm going to force myself to lay down because I have to drive back to Austin tomorrow. Excited. Not about the driving though.
Monday, January 7, 2008
You're on top of the world again
For now.
My day?
NOT sleeping in
ferociously typing away to get myself to NYC
sweating without being warm
cold splotchy looking skin under fluorescent lights
crunchy paper gown
needles and blood
school buses
Belle & Sebastian on repeat
chocolate covered cherries
phone calls
My life feels like one huge sigh at this moment.
***
Hey, you've been used
Write a song, I'll sing along
Are you calm? Settle down
Soon you will know that you are sane
By mmerola626
My day?
NOT sleeping in
ferociously typing away to get myself to NYC
sweating without being warm
cold splotchy looking skin under fluorescent lights
crunchy paper gown
needles and blood
school buses
Belle & Sebastian on repeat
chocolate covered cherries
phone calls
My life feels like one huge sigh at this moment.
***
Hey, you've been used
Write a song, I'll sing along
Are you calm? Settle down
Soon you will know that you are sane
By mmerola626
Sunday, January 6, 2008
New
The travel blog was done. I'm not traveling anymore, I'm back to the usual life. The re-integration has been surprisingly easy. Mostly Spain seems like a dream. It's weird to talk to friends over the phone that I met in Spain and realize they still exist. It's also weird to find all of the ticket stubs, metro passes, receipts and other things I collected over there.
New Year's was a good night for me, though maybe it ended a little too early. My inebriation reached its maximum level by 1:30AM and then I gave in to sleep. We just went downtown for a couple of hours. The whole month of December had been increasingly intense in terms of partying and I vowed to reduce the debauchery after January 1. I think I've been good. I have self-control.
I spent the week in Austin. Mostly sleeping in every day, trying to accomplish at least one thing in the afternoon and then going out at night. It's break. I'm breaking. In a sad way I'm looking forward to school starting and having somewhat of a routine again. However, once it all picks up I'll wish for the lazy days. The grass is always greener...
Today I drifted down 290 at dusk toward Houston. Listening to Radiohead too loud in order to drown out my own cracking voice. Not fully paying attention to the road about 80% of the time. Thinking about the past, present and future. Cursing the men driving large pickup trucks constantly cutting people off.
As soon as I got home I went upstairs to check on my Baby gerbil. My mom told me the day before he seemed especially ill. I saw him laying on his side, which is not normal. Upon further inspection I noticed he was definitely dead. I called his name anyway. No movement. I could faintly see his little teeth in his open mouth and his scent gland tumor under his belly. My mom came home later and immediately asked about him. He'd been alive when she'd left hours earlier. She said, "Oh crap." I'd just missed seeing him alive one last time. It's no use thinking of what could have been. What is, is. Baby was probably my favorite. He was the baby of two of my other gerbils, easily the most healthy gerbil I've ever had. The most tame. The cutest! The most personality. (Gerbils do have personalities!) Baby lived a long life, more than 4 1/2 years. I'd just taken pictures of him because I was afraid he'd die. I asked my mom to take care of the body. I'm still not grown-up enough to do it myself. She brought him down in some plastic bags and sprinkled baking soda inside. I heard his little body thud in the garbage can outside. I didn't want to bury him because our dogs would likely dig him up. :( I'm looking for replacement gerbils now.
Even though I'm at my mom's house full of good food I made Ramen noodles. It was the best bowl of Ramen ever, except what is "Oriental flavor"? I don't think I understand. Sometimes Ramen is the answer for a grieving soul, I guess. My mom was watching Desperate Housewives as I ate the Ramen in the kitchen. I'm pretty sure that show is my biggest nightmare. Being a desperate housewife sounds so sad on so many levels.
I'm scared of tomorrow.
New Year's was a good night for me, though maybe it ended a little too early. My inebriation reached its maximum level by 1:30AM and then I gave in to sleep. We just went downtown for a couple of hours. The whole month of December had been increasingly intense in terms of partying and I vowed to reduce the debauchery after January 1. I think I've been good. I have self-control.
I spent the week in Austin. Mostly sleeping in every day, trying to accomplish at least one thing in the afternoon and then going out at night. It's break. I'm breaking. In a sad way I'm looking forward to school starting and having somewhat of a routine again. However, once it all picks up I'll wish for the lazy days. The grass is always greener...
Today I drifted down 290 at dusk toward Houston. Listening to Radiohead too loud in order to drown out my own cracking voice. Not fully paying attention to the road about 80% of the time. Thinking about the past, present and future. Cursing the men driving large pickup trucks constantly cutting people off.
As soon as I got home I went upstairs to check on my Baby gerbil. My mom told me the day before he seemed especially ill. I saw him laying on his side, which is not normal. Upon further inspection I noticed he was definitely dead. I called his name anyway. No movement. I could faintly see his little teeth in his open mouth and his scent gland tumor under his belly. My mom came home later and immediately asked about him. He'd been alive when she'd left hours earlier. She said, "Oh crap." I'd just missed seeing him alive one last time. It's no use thinking of what could have been. What is, is. Baby was probably my favorite. He was the baby of two of my other gerbils, easily the most healthy gerbil I've ever had. The most tame. The cutest! The most personality. (Gerbils do have personalities!) Baby lived a long life, more than 4 1/2 years. I'd just taken pictures of him because I was afraid he'd die. I asked my mom to take care of the body. I'm still not grown-up enough to do it myself. She brought him down in some plastic bags and sprinkled baking soda inside. I heard his little body thud in the garbage can outside. I didn't want to bury him because our dogs would likely dig him up. :( I'm looking for replacement gerbils now.
Even though I'm at my mom's house full of good food I made Ramen noodles. It was the best bowl of Ramen ever, except what is "Oriental flavor"? I don't think I understand. Sometimes Ramen is the answer for a grieving soul, I guess. My mom was watching Desperate Housewives as I ate the Ramen in the kitchen. I'm pretty sure that show is my biggest nightmare. Being a desperate housewife sounds so sad on so many levels.
I'm scared of tomorrow.
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