Thought extremist.

Today I had an especially awful day at my internship. I hate when bad things happen because every time I immediately want to quit this career. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's really bad. I don't know what I should do anymore. More and more I am toying with the idea of applying for other types of jobs after graduation. I want to at least try getting a broadcast job since that's what I've gone to school for, but most days I can't help but think I'm not really cut out for it. Why was I so sure of everything up until the last semester of college? I feel like broadcast journalism is like a long-term relationship I'm too scared to get out of. I've devoted so much time and effort to this, I wouldn't know what to do with myself if it didn't work out. Sometimes I feel like I wasted time being too focused. I don't feel like I have much room to make mistakes right now.

And all of this...all of this crazy worried talk, all because I had one bad day. I'm awfulizing too much. Today there was one reporter available for me to go out with. I asked her if I could go out with her and she happily agreed and said she'd let me know when she was leaving. I was trying to keep an eye on her. Eventually I noticed she'd walked away and wasn't coming back. I realized she actually left without me. I was so stuck. It wasn't even 5PM and I had no way to leave the newsroom. The whole day (2PM-10PM) all I did was write a couple of stories for the show. I spent almost eight hours sitting around. I don't know what I should have done differently. I know I need to be aggressive, but I did ask to go. Am I supposed to follow the reporter around asking her if she's leaving every time she gets up from her desk? I can't seem to understand the borderline between being aggressive and being obnoxious. Either way, I did something wrong tonight and suffered terribly for hours and hours and more hours.

I want to move to NYC. I'm sure I can find some sort of of job there. On the way home in the car I briefly thought about grad school. Maybe work somewhere for a year and pick another major and go back to school. I don't know. I don't know anything.

The most exciting news of the day was that Obama and Hillary are going to debate on the UT Campus in about a week and a half. I want to go SO bad. I realized I'm supposed to be interning that night, so I might try to go out on that story if I can't manage to get tickets on my own.

This weekend was okay. I wasn't sick anymore, which was good. I saw "There Will Be Blood" on Friday. It reminded me a lot of something my dad would like. The main character actually reminds me a little of my dad before he (the main character) goes crazy and gets really mean. I can completely see why the movie's worthy of an Oscar, or why Daniel Day Lewis is worthy of an Oscar. It's a strong movie with themes that are so universal regardless of time or place.

Um...deviating from whatever I was going to write about...there is totally something crawling around in the ceiling. I don't like it.

Sunday night The Shrieks played in a Battle of the Bands, which turned out to be some kind of scam. I felt really angry when I learned the scam technique. Of course because it's my friends getting scammed, but also because scams just SUCK. I hate when they prey on people who really shouldn't be preyed on...or like, take advantage of people psychologically. On the plus side, The Shrieks sort of won the contest, which is great, except because of the scam they have to play another show to ACTUALLY win.

After the show I went out for a little while and ended up at a bar with Andrew and Nick. I finally smoked a cigarette. I've been known for having never taken a puff. More recently, though, I started realizing that I don't have much of a problem with cigarette smoking. It's not something I'd want to be exposed to frequently, but it doesn't bother me the way it once did. I think being around all the smokers in Europe changed me a little bit. Anyway, it was about as I imagined. Not completely awful, but no real reason to continue. People can smoke their lungs out, but I still want to preserve my own.