I actually wrote this yesterday afternoon.

My classes are now in full swing.

Most of them seem like they'll be okay. I'm not worried about keeping up or understanding...I'm just still really scared to speak in front of the class. I'm getting more comfortable speaking because of living with Anna, but when I'm in front of many people my mind has a tendency to blank out. It's not that I don't necessarily know the words, it's that I'm nervous.

My classes all last really long, too. I'm used to 50 minute classes and here I have classes for 90 minutes and then three times a week I have class for three hours. Of the same class! Three of my culture classes meet only once a week for 90 minutes. Then I have a cinema class that meets every other week for three hours. Then the language/grammar class, OMG. It meets four days a week, twice for 90 minutes, the other two times for 3 hours. It's too much class at once! Some days, like yesterday, I get a headache from the sheer amount of processing my mind has to do. I can understand why people don't learn English in the US just from going to class. Here it's like we live, breathe and sleep Spanish. I can't escape it, which is great, but nearly painful to my mushy American languaged mind.

I think there's going to be a lot of reading this semester, too. Moreso than what I'm used to at UT. I thought I kissed literary analysis goodbye after high school, but it's back, and in Spanish. I'm taking a narrative texts class where the profesora claims she's just another person in the room to add to the discussion of the short stories we're going to read. I don't know if I can appreciate literary analysis the way I once did in high school. I'm used to reading for quick knowledge, reading to get information...the journalist in me. I don't like picking apart every detail of a piece of work. It's precisely the reason I dislike poetry. Somehow I love song lyrics, but despise poetry.

I'm more excited for my class about culture and issues of Spain. It seems like a political/cultural/social/etc examination of the country. We're encouraged to keep up with the news. Yay! I love that in other countries there are blatantly left-wing and right-wing newspapers. I don't think the press is trying so hard to be objective...you just read the paper that corresponds more with your political views. I suppose the idea of objectivity in the press is prized more in the States, but objectivity in the press does not exist. It never will because it cannot.

My cinema class is good for a Friday afternoon. Though we only have five more meetings left since it only meets every other week. Last week we watched "El Laberinto del Fauna". Pan's Labyrinth. I'd always meant to see it! I suppose it's even better watching it in it's native language in Spain. I was surprised I could understand it so well. It was definitely more intense than I'd anticipated. I thought it was mostly a fantasy movie with some special effects, but it was so emotional. It could tear me apart inside. Certain movies evoke feelings inside me, and they're not even necessarily directly related to what's happening in the movie. Sometimes I think about what's happening in the context of my own life, and that's what almost makes me cry. I didn't cry though! Oh! And it was also pretty gory. They show so much...like people getting beaten and a guy stitching up his own cheek with a needle. I had to cover my eyes for those parts.

All this class...I better learn Spanish!

My travel plans are beginning to change, unfortunately. I got really depressed yesterday after I realized I'm poor and don't have enough money to do so much traveling. I had to cut one of my trips for the time being. Southern France might have to wait. I'm still going to London, Prague, Madrid and southern Spain. I must, even if it means dipping into savings. I'm going to have to budget myself carefully and probably visit this web site where you can sleep on people's couches for cheaper than a hostel. I hate being poor. If my landlord would return my freaking deposit I'd be a lot better off. I'm barely going to have any money after paying my credit card bills. UGHHH, being poor depresses me. And I can't even work here because it's illegal.

On the bright side...I'm in Barcelona! My amazement hasn't worn off yet. I walk to class every day and it doesn't even seem real. I've always wished to go to school and live in a huge city. Any time I've visited a bustling city, I love it and try to imagine I live there. Now I do! I walk through the Plaça Catalunya and down the main street of the university and look all around me at the huge beautiful buildings and all the people and the cafes and the motos crowding the roads and it's like a dream. I know more than ever that I belong in a big city. Small towns are nice for visits, but I want to LIVE somewhere huge. It's type of appeal NYC had, I don't want to feel like I've ever conquered a place. I want to know there's more to discover every time I walk out my front door. I want the sense of being slightly overwhelmed. Being comfortable can be nice, but keeping on your toes is much better.