It's been awhile since I felt so affected by a movie. I'm not even sure why. I can't exactly relate to the story or the characters. A young Bangladeshi girl is sent to London and forced into an arranged marriage. She keeps in close contact with her sister in Bangladesh and dreams of going back. She is traditional. Her husband, also Bangladeshi, looks more modern, but is very traditional in his mind. He is large and controlling. Their two adolescent daughters have already assimilated into London's culture. The main character finds herself attracted to a younger man who brings clothes to her house. She works as a seamstress for extra money. They have an affair. I think the affair liberates her, in a sense. She becomes more vocal and goes out more, though still remaining so controlled by her husband. Eventually she finds herself wanting to stay in London. Her husband reveals he had always dreamed of going back to Bangladesh. The family has to decide what to do... The story reminded me of one that could have been written by Jhumpa Lahiri, one of my favorite authors.
The movie made me think about so many things...it scares me about life. I guess I can be glad I stand no chance of being fixed up into an arranged marriage. I got so frightened of having a fat, horrible husband. She has to cook for him, take off his coat, pick at his toenails, not talk back and have sex with him whenever he wants. She is not allowed to retaliate at all. I could not imagine a relationship like this. The marriage just seemed to be two people who were randomly stuck together and had to make a life together. It's not fair to have to live like that. When the main character finally begins an affair she becomes so much more alive. Before then she seemed like an unhappy robot. But even when she finds love with the clothes deliverer, she can't really have it. And she doesn't really have that love with her husband. She writes to her sister:
"No one told me there are different kinds of love. The kind that starts big and slowly wears away--that seems you'll never use it up and then one day it is finished. Then there is the kind that you do not notice at first--to it adds a little bit to itself every day, like an oyster makes a pearl, grain by grain, a jewel from the sand."
The splitting of the family in the movie also reminds me of my own family in some ways. This family splits so amicably. Everything is taken care of, everyone retains some love for one another. There is a scene where the husband and wife hug goodbye. They love each other like family and that is all, but they cling to one another because that's the love they've known for so long. In the movie the father says the rest of the family will "join him later" though I am not sure if that is meant to be true. The father leaves the mother in charge and trusts her so completely and shows so much confidence in her. While they may not love one another, the parents seem to still respect each other. I like that.
The characters were real to me. I could identify with their problems and feelings on a very basic level--having things taken away, having things unravel.
